Where Do I Belong?
by Nikki-Chaos
Summary: She's the princess of one club, the killer for another. But when happiness is presented to her can she remember who she is or will she loose everything...Slight AU.
1. Prologue

Author's Note – I own nothing of this but the people in which you don't recognize from the show. These people are from my own imagination.

If the Hell's Reaper MC exists then I've got nothing to do with it all.

This is also my first SOA story so please give me a chance and let me know what you think

* * *

I can see your eyes staring into mine

But it's a battlefield, and I'm on the other side

You can throw your words sharper than a knife

And leave me cold in another house on fire

I lay low, lay low

And watch the bridges burn

I lay low, lay low

What more could I have done

Now you only bring me black roses

And they crumble into dust when they're held

Now you only bring me black roses

Under your spell

Black Roses – Clare Bowen

There comes a time in someone's life, be them a saint or a sinner, where the life they lead comes at a price. The choices they make, the masks they were, the secrets they bury, become too much for one person to handle and those they surround themselves with begin paying the damages. And that someone has to sit and watch as it happens, try and clean up the mess but always ends up making more of it.

Once they hit rock bottom they find themselves at a crossroads, one path leading them forward head long into the damage in hopes of mending it. The two side roads leading them in two different paths that lead them far away from the shit they've caused and the people they love.

And as I sit here leant against the seat of my Harley I find myself in the same predicament.

One on hand I'm Nicole Telford the daughter of Filip 'Chibs' Telford a member of the Sons of Anarchy motorcycle club. On the same hand I am also the supposed to be 'old lady' of one of the SOA members 'Happy'. The two of us having fought through fire, a shit ton of bullets and even MC feuding to be together.

But on the other hand I am Chaos, a member of the Hells' Reaper MC, the only MC in the world that I know of that allow females to not only be Old Lady's but also fully patched members. I've killed for my club, I've stole, I've done shit that should land me a permanent place in prison until I'm old and can't remember shit yet I'm not.

How I came to find myself in the middle of nowhere with nothing but dust and wide open roads staring straight at me daring me to choose a path is a very long story. One filled with rage, death, revenge, love, hate, family and choices.

I'd love nothing more than to ride, ride till I no longer know where I am, ride till there's nothing holding me back no more, my mind a blank canvas waiting for me to choose my next move. But I can't do that, the damage I'm leaving behind too great, the burn of the hate so strong I can still feel it deep into my bones.

I sigh and run my hands through my hair and down my face stopping as I look at my hands, still bandaged from my last confrontation with my 'family'. The tears begin to fall as I remember their faces, my dad looking at me as though he no longer knew who I was, the man I love just staring at me with no emotion behind his eyes. The people I called family looking at me as though they don't see me anymore.

I shake my head and stand up throwing my leg over my bike, I reach for my helmet and place it onto my head and as I start my bike I make my choice.

The choice to run, run and never look back.

I need this but more importantly my unborn child needs this. It needs a life far far away from the violence.

But enough about my present, as I ride the road taking me far away let me take you back. Back to when this shit storm started and let me show you the choices I made that led me to this path. Let me show you how I lost everyone I loved.

Join me?


	2. A Little History

Author's Note – I own nothing of this but the people in which you don't recognize from the show. These people are from my own imagination.

If the Hell's Reaper's MC exists then I've got nothing to do with it all.

This is also my first SOA story so please give me a chance and let me know what you think.

I told you it was going to be AU so don't hate on me.

* * *

There is a house in Charming Town

They call the Rising Sun

It's been the ruin of many a poor girl

And me, Oh God, I'm one

If I listened to my mama

Lord I'd be home today

But I was young and foolish

And some rider led me astray

House Of The Rising Sun – The White Buffalo (Ft on Sons Of Anarchy)

I remember when I was younger my dad was my everything, my hero, the one person I could depend on no matter what shit I did that might embarrass him. He was always there. My mother left not long after I was born, she was a junked up piece of shit that was just looking for a good time, and a baby was not on her to do list so she split in the middle of the night leaving me with my dad. Not that I care, she could be dead in a ditch somewhere and I wouldn't blink nor shed a tear.

As I grew up I was constantly surrounded by men who in my eyes were nothing short of heroes, they rode big ass Harleys, they were strong and dangerous and no matter what they would always protect me. Jax, my sort of cousin, had the same mind set as me. The two of us constantly hung around the SOA clubhouse when we weren't at school. Jax saying how he couldn't wait to join the club, his dream since he was five and could fully comprehend what the club was. Me being a year younger than him, I knew my life wasn't going to be spent on the back of a bike being badass.

My uncle Clay had always, always told me that woman were nothing more than a means for a man to have a good time and their days should be spent making sure that said man was happy and there was no problems. I used to think he was a sexist shit but I knew better then to open my mouth so I used to just smile my pretty little smile that had all the men wrapped around my little finger and just agreed to it.

My dad though, he didn't believe all of my uncles shit, he believed him when he said woman had no place in the club but other than that my dad was pretty open minded. He taught me everything he thought I needed to know about Bikes, how to build them, how to tune them, the works.

I was sixteen and skipping school with Jax at the clubhouse one day when I first saw the thing that would make me doubt Clay and his precious law. We were sitting around, me and Jax smoking cigarettes, the others working when the gates to the Teller-Morrow garage opened and in rode six bikers, three female and three male. The Kutte on their back read Hell's Reapers. Shit got tense and I never knew what went down as me and Jax were shuttled inside faster than we could say our names and we never heard anyone talk about it again but yeah I started to doubt Clay but for my dad's benefit I kept my mouth shut.

Instead I continued to grow up and be the Sons of Anarchy's princess, watching and laughing as Jax did his prospecting whilst helping me and my dad build an old Harley. The same Harley my dad gave me as a graduation present when I graduated high school with full honours. It was after I left high school that things started to change, I got an itch deep into my bones to leave, leave charming and the routine I was getting myself into. I wanted to jump onto the back of my Harley and just ride.

One week after Jax became a fully patched member his girlfriend Tara left town to go to school somewhere. I was glad she was gone, I never liked her but Jax was broken hearted. The same night she left he took me to bed and took my virginity. It wasn't all softness and proclamations of love, fuck no it was painful and filled with nothing but the booze we had consumed hours before.

The next morning we went back to how we were, cousins. I helped out at the garage, fixing cars and doing any errands my Aunt Gemma needed. I could feel the itch getting deeper and stronger and many a time I could be seen throwing my Harley long thoughtful looks. All my uncles just thought it was because I couldn't join the club and I let them believe it, I knew it would break their hearts if they knew the truth.

Not long before my nineteenth birthday I gave into the itch and split in the middle of the night just like my mother did. I left when everyone was down at the annual Sons Friday night party. A tear slipped down my face as I past the garage but I couldn't give in, I wanted out.

I rode until I reached Vegas, my eyes no longer being able to stay open. My body road tired, my heart cold. I got a motel and slept for nothing short of three days. On the fourth day I began looking for work, nowhere would take me without credentials and I didn't want anything getting back to Charming about where I was. When I thought I was about to give up I came across a garage, but not any garage. The woman I met smiled at me in a way that my Aunt Gemma would and I felt a little better, her name was Tinker, I knew instantly it wasn't her really name but didn't pull her on it, she explained that her old man would be home soon and he'd choose if I could work. She told me to come back in two days.

I did but as I pulled into the garage and parked my Harley I realised why it wasn't just any garage, I was surrounded by members of Hell's Reapers MC. For some reason I instantly felt at home. I met up with Tinker's old man 'Bumble' who I found out was the clubs president. He asked me to fix his bike and if I did it well enough I'd be hired. I fixed his bike, even tuned it a little and when he looked it over a big ass smile broke across his face. I knew I had the job.

To cut this long ass story short, I worked in the garage for about six months before Picnic the clubs VP asked if I wanted to prospect for the club. I did and I prospected for a full year before being patched in and hailed with the name Chaos. The name was due to how many bitches I'd slapped around, and fights I'd started at their parties.

I went on runs and all that other shit but it wasn't until I was twenty two that my job changed. The guys realised that I happened to be the quietest member of the lot when it came to sneaking up on people and putting them to ground if needed. I became their number one killer; it was my job to end anyone who hurt the club. Due to the masochist side of me I made sure to record every one of my kills by getting a little black bird tattooed on my side. Today I have just short of thirty of those little birds.

But it was my home, it was my family and I wouldn't change a god damn thing, which it where I find myself today. Standing over the body of two dead 'brothers' and two other men wearing Kuttes.

"Do we know who did this" Diggle asks from my right as the two of us look over the very bloody scenery

"No" Hook says shaking his head "we came up to see how the guns were and make sure they were ready to ship out and found this"

"The guns" Picnic growls from my left

"Gone"

I shake my head and step over the bodies of Shadow and Rainbow, my dead brothers, and over to ones I don't know. I kick them over and swear loudly as I see their colours.

"Their Sons" I say loudly the words catching in the back of my throat.

It was a year into me being a fully patched member that I learnt the Reapers didn't get along with the Sons, a long as fuck feuding that has gone on for nothing short of twenty years. It made me even more determined to keep who I was a secret as god knows I'd be killed.

"Fuck" Picnic swears coming to stand next to me "This shit isn't good"

"No shit" I sigh controlling my voice as to not give anything away.

I look up to my brothers and see them all trying to hide their rage, my hands twitch near my gun. The instinct to shoot something growing strong.

"Let's get back to the clubhouse" Picnic says grounding my thoughts to an abrupt halt "We'll figure shit out there"

We all nod and walk away leaving the two prospects to clean up and climb onto our bikes. As I place my helmet on I throw one last glance at the bodies of the two sons and sigh hoping and fucking pray to every god damn god out there that this shit does not hit charming and they come up here fucking guns blazing. God knows I couldn't stomach killing my father or any member of my old family.

* * *

End Note – things pick up in the next episode. This was just to round out Chaos a little bit and set the story off. Please review and let me know what you think. All reviews are welcome.


	3. Church

A warning to the people,

The good and the evil,

This is war.

To the soldier, the civilian,

The martyr, the victim,

This is war.

It's the moment of truth, and the moment to lie,

The moment to live and the moment to die,

The moment to fight, the moment to fight

To fight, to fight, to fight!

This Is War – 30 Seconds to Mars

* * *

As we pull up to the garage and park our bikes my eyes land on Rainbow's old lady, her arms shaking in which her three year old son Spike rests his eyes looking anywhere but up at his crying mother. My heart clenches and I tear my eyes away not wanting to intrude on the private moment.

"Church in an hour" Picnic calls as he walks away and towards the clubhouse

I look at Diggle who just shakes his head and walks towards the garage where a few of the other guys are working on a piece of shit cage that would be much better of being burnt to ashes. I sigh and climb off my bike and head over to one of the picnic tables climbing on. I grab my pack of smokes and observe all the comings and goings as I drag the nicotine deep into my soul.

"You okay Chaos?"

My head snaps road and lands on Minnie one of the friendlier Hell's bells, the name we give to the whores who sleep with half the club and keep coming back and opening their legs.

"Yeah Minnie I'm good" I nod throwing her a small smile before taking another drag of my cigarette

A weight settles next to me and I look to see Minnie sitting down, her long blonde hair blowing in the wind. A contemplative look settles onto her face and I raise an eyebrow but don't say anything, instead letting her take the lead with the conversation. Well if she wants to that is.

"War's coming isn't it?" She asks looking at me briefly

"I don't know" I answer truthfully before standing up, the thought leaving a shit ass taste in my mouth.

I nod to Minnie before heading into the clubhouse, nodding as I pass the prospects and walk over to Horse.

"Hey baby" He smiles opening his arms from his seat, I sit down in his lap and smile at the others. All of us sitting here waiting for church, all of us wondering what the next move is and deep down all of silently mourning for the brothers we've just lost.

We all chat shit, laughing and joking about pointless shit, anything to pass the hour. Every now and then one of us could be caught throwing a glance towards the clock on the wall watching the minute hand counting down. As the clock lands on a minute to church we all look up as Bumble walks in. He throws me a smile and walks over throwing his arms around my shoulder.

He had become somewhat of an adopted father, being there for me after my first kill, holding my hand when my first bullet wound needing sewing up and also there to bitch at every one of my tattoos.

"Come on baby, let's get to church" He says and I nod standing up from Horse's lap and following Bumble and Picnic into the meeting area. I take my seat next to Horse who is on Bumble's right and sigh looking round at all my brothers and sisters, hoping that just for a little bit I can keep my mask in place.

"So today we took a big hit" Bumble starts and all out heads turn towards him " We lost two brothers, two brothers who died with the fucking enemy" he growls

"We've been at war with the sons for fucking years, but this has never fucking happened" Picnic adds

"But why was there two dead sons with them" Horse says before anyone else can get a word in "it doesn't make sense"

"Because the sons didn't kill 'em" Disney says, her voice soft like a child who's just been told Santa doesn't exist "If the sons killed our brothers then they wouldn't be dead with 'em"

I light a cigarette and look around at everyone to see how Disney's words taste on their tongue, on mine it tastes foreign but then again anything to do with my old family tastes foreign on my tongue when someone mentions in.

"We don't know if that's true, though it does rise some questions" Horse sighs lighting his own smoke "Ripper I want you to hack into the database of the cops investigating the shooting as god knows they'll be all over this like a fly around shit. I want to know everything they do"

"You got it" Ripper nods and I smirk trying to hide my smile at the big ass geeky smile covering Ripper's face. He's just as good with a knife, hence his name, as he is with a computer.

"I can see the table tilting from here Rip, if that's giving you a hard on you need to get laid brother" I say causing everyone to chuckle and Ripper to throw me a one finger salute.

"Fuck you Chaos"

"When and where baby" I smirk

"Hey I come first Chaos" Lily says from next to Ripper

"Of course Lil, but a threesome never hurts anyone"

"Okay enough children" Bumble says seriously but I can see the smile on his face "Let's get back to business"

We all nod and wait for the next person to speak who is Picnic

"If two sons are dead it has probably by now reached their mother chapter" Picnic sighs looking at all of us "And if they know it might just cause a war"

"What's the plan?" I ask

"You're from charming aren't you Chaos?" Ripper asks and I give a small nod

"Chaos, if things stay quiet and the Mother chapter of the sons doesn't come up we might need you to go to charming and get close to the sons there"

"Ok" I reply through a thick ball in my throat "And do what?"

"Try and learn everything about them" Bumble says throwing me a sympathetic look "Learn how they move, who their members are, who each members families are. Learn what they know about us"

"But we'll let you know more if it comes to that baby girl" Picnic smiles and I smile back though only a little

"Okay let's all go and get ready for the wake of our brothers" Bumble says excusing us all "But Chaos I want a word"

I stay seated as my brothers and sisters all walk out placing a hand on my shoulder as they pass. I light another cigarette as I look up at Bumble

"I wouldn't ask you to do this Chaos if I didn't know you could" He starts and I nod "You're the only one who could get into their circle, hell maybe even pretend to be an old lady"

"You know I don't want to be a biker's old lady Bumble" I chuckle "I don't do following a man's orders too well"

Bumble does a full belly laugh "Don't I know it"

"But I'll do it for the club"

"Course you will baby girl" Bumble nods standing up "Now let's go have a reaper themed wake. I pulled a favour and our boys should be home tomorrow"

I stand up two and head out with Bumble, looking at all the faces gathered around ready for the two day wake that's getting thrown for our fallen brothers. I excuse myself and head to my room locking the door behind me.

I chuck off my Kutte and begin stripping off my clothes as I head to the shower. I stop in front of my mirror and stare at myself. The little birds on my side showing my kills, the tattoo that reads 'Daddy's Little Girl' on my right hip glaring at me as if taunting me that I will have to again be around my father and the club I ran away from.

I shake my head and head into the shower turning the water onto hot before finally letting my head fall forward and the tears I've been hiding to finally fall down my face freely.

* * *

End Note - I know its not long but I lost my thought train for this chapter. Okay so a lot of you are add it to your favourite and follow lists but not reviewing. PLEASE REVIEW. I need to know what you think of the chapter. And also if YOU want me to try and include anything hit me up and I'll see what I can do.


	4. Going Home

Okay again a lot of you are just adding this story to your favourites or following it…I NEED REVIEWS. If you want me to keep writing then I'm gonna need you to review.

Thank you to – ericzmic, HGRHfan35 and MsKrissy for your reviews, very much appreciated.

* * *

I've stood in hell,

Where many had to suffer,

I stared the devil in the eyes.

Walked many roads to witness ancient idols,

And found the great gates of fire.

Had many storms question my conviction,

Gave armies reason to rise.

The hangman's searching for bones he can borrow,

While I escaped in the night,

Fight or flight.

Live again,

All roads end,

I'll be coming home.

Tend your light,

'Cause on this night,

I'll be coming home.

Coming Home -Avenged Sevenfold

For a whole week we spent trying to find the fuckers who killed our brothers, for a fucking week we came up empty handed. Ripper's info let us know that whoever killed our brothers also killed the sons; the bullets matched but didn't match the guns our guys and the sons were carrying. So some fucker out there is trying to start a war between the Reapers and the Sons. The only one I can think of is Mayan's but Bumble doesn't believe me, saying we've had peace with the Mayan's for year's blah fucking blah. We may have peace with the Mayans but the sons don't.

It sucked that we kept hitting brick walls when it came to the killers, as every fucking time we lost a brother or a sister we could instantly find out who it was, or we knew who it was, and we went and we killed them mother fuckers in retaliation. Hey just last fucking month we avenged the death of two of our sisters.

I remember the first time I asked Bumble why females were allowed to be patched in, He told me it was something to do with his Mama. Shit had gone down with his dad, his wife Bumbles Mama had ended up shooting two cops to help and then got on her husband's Harley and went guns blazing into the police station saying that she'd done what her husband was convicted of. Spent 10 years in the clink for it too, all of it for her man. After that Bumble's dad changed the rules and allowed Females to patch in, saying that they could have a man's back just as good as any man.

I'd met Bumble's Mama, lost to old age but whenever she visited you could see her throwing fond looks at our Harleys, a wistful look shining in her eyes too as if remembering the memory. Then each time she'd look at us women wearing our patches proudly and she'd smile like a cat that got the cream. All of us girls and only us girls have a special patch for Bumble's Mama, a queen bee. You could probably guess why we that were chose.

I shake my head and look over at my Kutte wistfully knowing that for god knows how long it's gonna have to sit in the bottom of a bag hiding. Hiding to keep me alive as in about half an hour I'll be getting on the back of my bike and riding to Charming to spy on the people I once called family. Fucking joy.

A knock comes to my door and I look up to see Disney leant against it, I smile and she walks in.

"You all packed sugar?"

"Yeah" I nod "I'm not taking a lot, I thought it best to shop when I'm over there less suspicions when I play the visiting card which turns into an extended visit"

"Good idea" she nods "You scared"

"Hell no" I laugh "Come on Disney I've stared grown men in the eyes as I've killed me, this should be a walk in the fucking park"

Yeah fucking right

"What bike you taking?" She asks looking up at me seriously "You can't take your main one babe it has your colours on"

"I know, I know I'm taking my old one, the one I came to Vegas on"

"That shits still running?" She laughs

"You fucking betcha it is, I keep that baby in tip top condition"

She just laughs shaking her head as I lean over and place my Kutte on.

"Where you gonna take that off?" She asks as she stands to help me sort the collar out

"I'll pull over on the side of the road about a mile out and chuck it into the bottom of my bag"

She nods and I lean over grabbing my backpack throwing it onto my back before following her out the room. I nod to the guys as we pass 'em and head outside to the bikes, my old one sitting proudly next to my Club one.

"You look after yourself baby" Disney says giving me a hug "And don't forget to check in, Charming doesn't want us rolling down there guns 'a' blazing to find ya"

"I'll check in but hey that would be fun to watch" I smirk returning to hug

"Don't start shit Chaos" Bumble chuckles as he walks over to me and also gives me a hug "And try your damned hardest to hide your back"

I nod as I know he doesn't mean my patch, he means the reaper tattoo on my back. I got it as part of a full bigger tattoo so you can't really tell it's the Hell's Reapers logo but to a MC they'd know it for what it is, my colours.

"I'll be safe" I nod "I've got my gun, my knife and not to mention my fists if shit goes down"

"That's our girl" Bumble smiles "Now don't go killing anyone, I don't want you raising suspicions with getting more birds inked on your side"

"If they try to kill me, I'm killing them" I smirk

"Fair enough, now go and check in when you get there so we know you're okay"

"I will. Love you all"

After a chorus of 'I love you too' I climb on the back of my old bike, the one me, my dad and Jax spent painstakingly long hours on and fasten my helmet before kicking it to life, smirking as its familiar growl emits in my ear once again. I wave once more before driving off through the gates and down the road that will take me out of Vegas and on my way to Charming.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

6 hours, one very numb ass later I see the 'Welcome to Charming sign' and can't help but breathe a breath of fucking relief. I hit the throttle even harder and speed past and down the all too familiar streets that will take me to Teller-Morrow auto shop and the clubhouse for the Sons of Anarchy. As I pull up to the gates and two guys, who I notice by the patches are prospects, I smile a sense of coming home filling my chest. I drive forward before stopping at the end of the guy's bikes and park next to one, who's I've got no clue.

As I take off my helmet I look around, even with it being about an hour of sunrise the place is still thriving, men working on cars some on bikes. I place my helmet on my mirror and climb off and head towards the office, knowing and hoping Gemma's inside. She is. I lean against the door jam and if sensing my presence she talks without looking up.

"Be right with ya darling" She drawls

"It's okay the family reunion can wait a while"

Her head snaps up and I see her looking all over my face before recognition settles into her eyes.

"Nicole Telford as I live and fucking breathe"

She stands up and walks towards me throwing her arms around my neck in a tight hug, one I gladly return

"Hey aunt Gemma"

"Your daddy will be so pleased your home" she says pulling back and once looking over me "God you grew up beautiful"

"I won't be so bent on my daddy being pleased. I left without telling him"

"Oh baby you have no idea the shit he's felt for the last 8 years. He missed you, you remember that even we he's bitching at you"

"I will" I nod

"Come on, their all in the clubhouse"

I follow Gemma to the clubhouse, with each step placing a mask in place hoping and fucking praying they don't sniff me out and realize who I am. I'm not the lay low kind of girl, being a Killer for the reapers has meant a lot of people know Chaos and a lot of people know I will fuck them over. All I have to hope is my name hasn't hit Charming. Yeah fat chance of that happening.

As Gemma opens the door the smell of sweaty men, stale pussy and booze hit my nose and another sense of home hits me.

"Guess who I just found" Gemma smirks to the group gathered before moving out of the way

"Nikki" My dad says clocking me first "Baby girl is that you"

"Hi daddy" I nearly whisper as he stands up and walks towards me.

As he throws his arms around me and the scent I remember and his Scottish accent swirl around me I feel like crying, so I do just that. Once again I'm like a little girl crying in my daddy's arms.

"I fucking missed you" He whispers in my ear his voice full of emotion "Don't you fucking do that to me again. I thought you were dead"

"I'm so sorry"

He pulls back and I give him a watery smile before turning to the others. I hug them all, Clay included though it takes a darn lot for me to do so. Well of them apart from one I don't know, he was taller than me, bald head and from what I could gather extremely muscular. His eyes those, those eyes were the eyes of a killer but also someone who could strip you naked with just a glance. I turn away as he raises an eyebrow a dark shiver running down my back. After very stern warnings from them all about not running off again I'm lead over to the bar and plonked in a seat, my bag taken from me and placed somewhere. A prospect hands me a beer and I smile before turning to my dad.

"Spill 'em" I sigh "I know you've got a ton of questions"

"Where did you go?" Jax asks before my dad can

"I rode for a while before I ended up in Vegas absolutely tired so I stayed there. Got a job in a garage and steered clear of all the MC's. I didn't want to get involved in any of that."

"So you've been in Vegas this whole time?" My dad asks and I nod

"Thank god you didn't piss anyone off" Clays says to my left and I turn to him raising an eyebrow inquisitively

"There's an MC out there that hates the Sons and anyone who's linked to them" Tig starts "They have a new Killer called Chaos"

"She isn't that good" A husky voice says and I look up to see it's the one I don't know.

"No offence but you are?" I ask

"Happy" Clay offers

I bite my lip to hide my laughter and instead try to gather more info, laughter can wait "Why isn't she good and how do you know it's a girl"

"I nearly caught her once when I was doing a run down there" He says his eyes staring deep into my own "Didn't get a good look at her face though. Shame as she had a killer bod"

And this shit just got a whole lot fucking weirder. Looks like I've got to change the game plan a little bit.

* * *

Here ya go a longish one for ya. SO PLEASE REVIEW and let me know what ya think. Hell I'll even let ya's decide what happens next


	5. Meetings

**PLEASE REVIEW..I LOVE YOUR FEEDBACK AND I WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU THINK.**

**Thank you to – MsKrissy, NicNick and Ericzmic for your reviews**

**And also thank you Ericzmic for your PM, it definatly gave me food for thought and if you haven't gathered it inspired the end part of this chapter.**

* * *

Maybe you don't understand

I don't understand it all myself

But there's a brother on my left and another on my right

And in his pocket just like mine

He's got a photograph

And they're waiting for him back home

It's weighing on my mind

I'm not trying to be a hero

I don't wanna die

But right now in this moment, you don't think twice

I wonder, would I give my life

Could I make that sacrifice

If it came down to it

Could I take the bullet, I would

Yes I would

For You – Keith Urban

An hour after I turned up Gemma decided to send the boys on a supply run; apparently I was to have a welcome home party. I tried telling her I was only visiting but she listened to me and then brushed me off, Clay simply said any excuse for a party is good with him, the others agreed.

So that's how I could be found god knows how many hours later, six to seven beers and two bottles of whiskey deep sitting in the corner of the clubhouse people watching. Trying to learn how everyone moves, who they're close to. Shit like that.

I shiver as I feel eyes on me and I look up to see Happy staring at me deeply, looks like I'm not the only one people watching. I smile at him sweetly before looking away, my stomach fluttering a little. I instead zone in on Tig and Clay, the two of them tucked away in the corner conversing and every now and then looking to make sure no one can hear them.

"Stare any harder and you might as well take a picture" A husky voice speaks in my ear.

I look up to find Happy standing next to me, the smell of leather, gunpowder and mint filling my senses with each breath I inhale.

"I could say the same for you darling" I smirk "You've been staring at me a good portion of the night"

"I'm trying to work you out" He says bluntly.

"What how to work out how to get me on my back or out of this club" I ask standing up, noticing that my head comes to just under his chin so I lift my head up to make sure I'm keeping eye contact

"Babe it doesn't take much thought to get you on your back. I'll have you on your back and screaming"

I try not to laugh as I look at him seriously "Darling I don't go for bikers"

I decide to play with him a little and stand up on my tiptoes placing my lips against his roughly, I contain my chuckles as he stills momentarily before kissing me back. Just as it starts to heat up I pull away and smirk before walking off towards where my dad is leant against the bar, some fake ass whore next to him.

"You're playing with fire there baby girl" He says his accent thicker now he's had a few too many.

"I aren't scared of him" I shrug as the prospect hands me a new beer.

"You should be" Happy says as he walks past me and I bite my lip as he brushes his hand across my ass.

"Don't get burned baby" Dad says before turning his attention back to the whore at his side.

I shake my head and get up heading to the dorm rooms at the back, finding the one Gemma threw my stuff into saying I could stay there. I look the door and leant against it as I take a deep breathe. I wasn't here to jump into bed with someone, someone who from the looks of things would just as easily kill me as he would fuck me.

I shake my head and place my half-drunk beer down on one of the tables before stripping off my clothes to leave me in my underwear, I double check the doors locked before walking over to the bed and climbing on in.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

The sound of a phone ringing rouses me from my sleep and I groan as I lean over the bed to where my jeans are and grab my pre-paid out of my pocket.

"What" I growl

"Jesus I take it you didn't get laid last night" The familiar sound of Disney's voice floats through the device

"Fuck you D"

"Calm down baby" She laughs "Meet me at the Diner just outside Charming lines"

"D you.."

"Don't worry I'm not wearing my colours. I've got something for you"

"Fine" I groan "I'll be there in thirty"

I close the phone and throw it onto the bed before standing up and heading towards the bathroom for one quick ass shower. After getting dressed quickly and making sure my colours were covered as well as some of my other tattoos I slip on my boots and head to the door, I glance at my bag deciding whether or not to take my gun. Not, I don't need to get pulled over and asked where that shit came from, that would be one hell of a conversation with the men who run this town.

I unlock my door and head out locking it behind me, as I walk to the front of the clubhouse I chuckle as I begin dodging bodies of both bikers and woman. I see my dad laid out on the couch a whore between his legs and gag before looking away.

"A little early to be awake isn't it?"

I snap my head towards the bar where Happy is currently seated, a cup of coffee in his hands.

"Again I could say the same to you?"

I smirk at him as I pass making sure to throw a wink in there too before heading out the door and over to my bike, I look around and notice that me and Happy seem to be the only ones awake which means I got to take longer to get to the diner just in case he decides to follow me. To try and work me out a little more.

After a twenty minute drive which should have taken ten, three distraction routes later I pull up outside Smithy's, the dive diner that was there if you needed some good old greasy food or if you wanted a moment of silence with no one asking any questions. I park my bike and place my helmet on my mirror, casting one last glance around I head inside the diner locating Disney quickly.

I slide into the booth next to her, a waitress comes over immediately and we both order and watch as she walks away before talking.

"So?" I start

"Here" She hands me a bottle and I look at it with an eyebrow raised when I see there isn't a label "It will cover you're tattoo's. I'll have to apply it for you in the bathroom before we leave but it will mean that your colours don't get spotted."

"How" I ask surprised

"Some of the girls use it when they have a big shoot and tattoos aren't allowed" Disney shrugs "It can last up to six months depending on your activities. So make sure you ring me if you notice it coming off"

I nod in understanding; Disney works the porn aspect of the club. Come to think of it, that's all she's ever worked, I can't remember the last time, if ever, she had come on a run with any of us.

"Thanks babe"

She nods and we both go silent as the food comes over, we smile and thank the waitress before tucking in, I see a contemplative look on Disney's face and raise an eyebrow

"You okay D"

"Be careful won't you" She asks her eyes wide

"Of course.." I start

"Answer me something babe" She says looking me in the eye, cutting me off "Do you believe we are equals"

"With the guys" I ask and she nods "D of course we are"

"Really" she replies "I am constantly working the porn shit, Lily is always working the books, and Tinker works in the garage office and is always the last one to find shit out. And then there's you. You may be an enforcer Nik and a damned good one but have you noticed a running theme on your jobs"

"What?" I whisper, kind of scared of the reality she's showing me

"On all your jobs its always just you, no fucking back up and always half ass details which means each time you could end up the one on the end of a bullet"

"D.." I whisper not knowing what to say

"And now they send you right into the town of the Mother chapter of the one club we've been feuding with for twenty fucking years with no back up, just orders to rat on them and keep checking in"

"You think it's a set up?" I ask "You think they want me killed?"

"I think they want to start a war baby and they don't care who the casualties are. After all rather it be a woman then one of the big ass men"

We both go silent and finish our food, before we leave we head into the woman's bathroom and I strip off so D can cover my tattoo's, when she's done and my skin looks normal I look in the mirror with wide eyes as I see a whole different me. Most of my tattoos' are covered minus the ones D thinks no one will question and my skin looks flawless, even half of my scars are covered.

We head out once I'm dressed again and head our separate ways with a promise for me to call her if I notice the magic cream thing coming off. As I ride back into the centre of Charming I can't help but replay D's words over and over in my head.

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**End Note - Not as long as I was tired and for some reason this chapter took a lot out of me...PLEASE REVIEW darlings and let me know what you think. If you want me to add something then PM me darlings.**


	6. Games

Is this hour breaking?

Now we're out of time

Changing seasons, a thousand reasons to say goodbye

Have we given all we have to give?

And are we living all the life that we can live?

We take away, take away

A piece of you and me and just walk away

But we'll never die

Never die

See it your way, or see it my way or never mind

Should we keep hurting or keep on searching the other side?

Have we taken all that we can take?

And have we broken every promise we can break?

And we'll take away, take away

A piece of you and me and just walk away

But we'll never die

Never die

Never Die - Daughtry

I pull back into the yard of Teller-Morrow garage and see Gemma pacing, a pissed off look on her face. I pull up beside her and she gives me a small smile.

"You okay?"

"No baby" she sighs "Two of my workers have called in sick and the guys have some big club thing to do today"

"I can help out at the garage" I state

"No Nikki I can't make you do that" She says vehemently

"Aunt Gemma I work in a garage in Vegas, I know what I'm doing. Plus it means you lose no business and keeps me out of trouble" I smile "It's a win-win"

"You sure baby?" she asks placing a hand on my arm

"Of course, anyway what else am I meant to do all day?" I shrug

She smiles at me in that familiar way which lets me know I have once again got my own way; I return the smile before going to park my bike. I climb off placing my helmet on the mirror and walk over to my Aunt to ask what needs doing. Once I'm filled in I head into the garage area pulling off my hoodie leaving me in just my jeans and a tank top no longer worried about my tattoos being on show.

"You working?"

I look up to see Clay walk into the garage and nod "Aunt Gemma needs the help, two workers called in sick so I thought I'd help. Helps make sure you guys don't lose business and I stay out of trouble"

"She told me the same words" Gemma says walking in and over to Clay placing a kiss on his cheek

"It makes sense" Clay chuckles "Behave princess and don't blow anything up and maybe we'll give you work whilst you visit. Keep you busy"

"Thanks Uncle Clay"

"How long you visiting for?" He asks looking me in the eye

"I don't know" I shrug "My boss had to downsize due to lose of clients hence my visit. He'd said he'd ring if he needed me back"

"Why don't you just move home?" Jax asks walking in with Happy

"I like Vegas. The strip clubs are the best" I smirk

"Our little princess in a strip club, who would have thought it" Jax laughs

"Hey I aren't so little anymore"

I look over to Happy to see his eyes glued on my stomach, well the gap between my jeans and top which shows my little 'v' thing. He raises his eyes as he feels mine on him and smirks before winking. I shake my head and look back to the others to see them talking, no one noticing the exchange between me and the mysterious Happy.

I walk over to one of the cars that's in for service and pull up the hood before looking to see what needs fixing, I feel a presence behind me and turn my head a little bit and see it's Happy, the tattoos on his arms giving him away.

"Can I help you" I drawl

He leans into my ear and I feel his breathe skirt over my skin making goose bumps rise "Maybe one time you can prove your statement"

"Which one" I whisper breathlessly

"About you not being a little girl"

Before I can come up with some sort of reply he walks off and over to the guys, my dad, Juice and Opie now with them. They all nod and say goodbye to me and Gemma before walking over to their bikes, not doubt to deal with the club business. I take a deep breath and shake my head to clear it a little before getting back to work on this piece of shit cage in front of me.

Something about Happy sets my heart a racing, my nipples hard enough to hang a fucking clothes rack off but also makes me feel a little out of my depth as though something bad is going to happen.

"Hey Aunt Gem?" I call

"Yeah baby"

"What's Happy's deal with the club?" I ask as she walks closer "He doesn't seem to be the normal type?"

"He's an enforcer baby, he basically does all the dirty jobs" She says taking off her sun glasses to look me deep in the eye "His other name is the Tacoma Killer. So watch yourself baby, I don't know what game you're playing but he's not one to play them"

I nod and she squeezes my shoulder before walking off to the garage. I reach into my pocket for my pre-paid and send a message to Minky, a member of the Tacoma chapter of the Hell's Reapers asking him to get me all he can on Happy. The more I know, the more I can protect myself from being killed. As no matter how much I'm integrated into this club due to my dad, something tells me Clay would make Happy get rid of me quick and easy, never to be found again.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

"Hey Half-sack" I call wiping the oil onto a rag "This one's done and the lady's here to get it"

"On it Nik"

I nod and move out the way so he can pull the car out of the garage and into the lot for the lady currently sitting in Gemma's office paying for the repairs I'd just done. In the six hours I'd been here, myself, Half-sack the prospect who's name I'd finally learnt and the other worker Don had managed to get seven cars done, two bikes and also managed to get two Repo's as well.

"Damn girl" Gemma says as she walks in "You carry this shit on and I'll be forced to hire you"

"Sorry Aunt Gemma" I smile "Just thought I'd help"

"Oh sweetheart you've done more work in six hours than any of these clowns can do in three days. Don't apologize"

I nod and we both look up as two bikes pull into the lot, we watch as they park and take off their helmets to see its Juice and Happy.

"Where are the others?" I ask

"Must be a late one" Gemma says before turning back to me "You go on back into the clubhouse and chill. You've done enough today"

"You sure"

"Yeah baby" She hugs me and I hug her back "I love you"

"Love you too"

I finish wiping my hands before throwing the rag off to the side; I pull my smokes out of my pocket as I head to the clubhouse, hoping its cooler then outside. I walk in to see Juice and Happy sitting at the bar and nod at them both as I take a drag of my cigarette.

"Fun day working?" Juice asks

"Fun day showing the ego's off?" I reply with a smirk causing Juice to laugh and a small smirk to appear on Happy's face before disappearing just as quick

I sit down one seat over from Happy and nod to Juice as he passes me a cold beer. I take a sip as he looks at me.

"What?" I ask

"Are you single?" Juice asks quickly

"Why you hoping for a ride" I smirk

I hear a small low growl to my side and try my hardest to contain my giddy excitement and instead continue looking at Juice raising an eyebrow at his silence.

"No I was just curious" He shrugs

"My dad would kill me if I went with a son" I reply "Mind you that was the rules when I was Nineteen, god knows what they are now"

"Probably the same" Juice chuckles

"Probably" I agree before taking another swig of my beer

The three of us sit in silence as we all drink our beers and in my case smoke, I begin tracing random patterns on the bar top as I feel the eyes to my side practically burn a hole into my skin. As Juice gets up and walks off to god knows where I turn to look at Happy.

"You stare any harder and you might as well take a picture"

"As long as you're naked I'm good with that" he replies in his husky tone, His coal black eyes boring into my own brown ones

"Baby you couldn't handle me"

"How do you know?" He asks deadly serious with a small smirk attached and I feel my tongue become glued to the top of my mouth

"I just do" I whisper cowardly before jumping up and heading to my room slamming the door behind me.

And I've just gone and invited the fucking devil to play. What a god damned stupid idea that was yet I can't stop my heart from racing and a small ache to settle between my thighs as I think of all the things Happy's eyes promised me. He might be a man of very few words but his eyes, his eyes tell you all that you need to know.

"Shit" I curse as I walk over and sit on my bed kicking off my boots "God fucking damn it"

Sometimes I make the most stupid of mistakes and inviting Happy to play a god damn game that even I don't know the rules of has to be one of the most fucking stupid. One day I'll learn when to keep my god damn mouth shut.

"Running from me little girl"

My head snaps up to see Happy leant in the doorway of my bedroom, one hip on the door jam and his ankles crossed. A relaxed pose, but his face, now his face reads something else, something that's not relaxed.

"I'm not a little girl" I growl standing up

He pushes off the door and walks further into my room, my fight or flight instinct kicking in. I stand firm as he walks towards me, stopping an arm's length away.

"Sure you are" he smirks

I growl before raising my fist and planting it straight into his left cheek making his head snap to the side, my mouth opens wide as he snaps his head back to look at me, a look in his eyes that I can't read.

Uh Oh.

* * *

**End Note – I don't know what happened in this chapter. It kind of wrote itself. Anyway I'm having trouble thinking on how to hook these two up. Any IDEAS would be gratefully appreciated. Anyway hope you enjoyed the chapter. REVIEW PLEASE.**


	7. Casual Sex

You'll never meet my mom, strings will never be attached

We'll always get along, cause it doesn't have to last

And anytime I call, you don't have to call me back

I'm never gonna fall, but I'm never hard to catch!

She says she's cool with it, she's down with it

There's nothing wrong with it, cause it's easier this way

She's so cool with it, she's down with it

There's nothing wrong with it, don't want it any other way!

It's just your typical, hardcore, casual sex

We're single but we're lovers, crazy for each other

Just your typical, hardcore, casual sex

We're wild under the covers, crazy for each other!

Causal Sex – My Darkest Days

I look up to Happy's face as he begins walking towards me, each step reminding me of a predator stalking his prey. A small 'oomph' leaves my lips as my back hits against one of the walls and I watch with wide eyes as Happy places a hand on each side of my head, boxing me in. My mind begins running a mile a minute on how I can get myself out of this situation, each one landing on one thing. And as I look up at Happy's face, his stoic stare boring deep into my skin, I fucking pray it god damn works.

I lean up and slam my lips against his, I gasp as he immediately responds and begins kissing me back as harshly as I kiss him, his hands going down to my hips in a bruising grip. I lean further onto my toes not liking the height difference between us, as I do Happy grips my hips tighter and lifts me up against the wall forcing me to wrap my legs around his waist.

I pull back from the kiss to gather air, my breath harsh in my throat and each deep breathe causing my chest to heave in front of Happy who looks down and smirks. He looks me back in the eye before gripping my top and ripping it over my head before kissing me in another bruising assault, tongue and teeth meet in a violent clash as we both fight for dominance neither of us wanting to give it up. I begin pushing his Kutte off his shoulders and he helps me before ripping his own t-shirt over his head giving me full view of his chiselled chest and tattoo's. I break from the kiss again and undo my bra taking it off my arms and throwing it over his shoulder and adding it to the ever growing pile of clothes on the floor.

Happy pushes us off the wall and walks over to the bed throwing me down onto it, I rise up on my elbows and watch as he takes off my boots and begins pulling my jeans down my legs without even undoing them, the friction burns adding to the ever growing heat. Once my jeans are added to the pile of clothes I watch as Happy strips himself down to his birthday suit, my eyes going wide and appreciative at his size, I meet his eyes to see his smirk.

"See something you like?" He growls, his voice even huskier

"I'm not sure" I whisper "You might have to prove that I need to like it"

Happy growls before climbing up the bed, spreading my legs to situate himself between before grabbing one of my nipples roughly pulling on it before soothing it with his thumb, I watch entranced as he lowers his head to my other one and begins sucking and licking as though it was his favourite flavour of lollipop, my head dropping back onto the bed as the heat becomes an inferno.

I grab his neck and pull him back up to my lips, once again starting the fierce fight for dominance, the coppery tang of blood filling my mouth causing a load moan to escape. I cry out as I feel my panties ripped from my body like paper and Happy pumps two fingers inside me forcefully. My cries of pleasure become a long tangible of nonsense as I feel my release crawl closer and closer but before I can get there Happy rips his fingers from me and licks them clean making sure to look me in the eye as he does.

"Only way you're getting you're release little girl is with my cock"

I nod just wanting him to end my torment; he smirks before lining up his cock and entering harshly making my back move further up the bed. The meeting was as harsh as the man between my legs and I love every god damn second of it. I throw my head back as the pleasure becomes too much only for my breath to catch in my mouth as a hand grips my throat.

"Look at me"

I open my eyes and stare Happy in the eye as his pumps become harsher and the hands on both my neck and hip tighten to the point I know they will be bruised tomorrow. As my release hits a guttural growl is ripped from my throat, my nails digging into Happy's shoulder causing a few stray blood drops to coat his skin. His release hits soon after, my name being ripped from his throat as his pumps become erratic and I feel the tell-tale sign of his release coating my walls.

Happy collapses and buries his head in my shoulder as his grip on my neck and hip loosen, the two of us trying to catch the breath that was stolen from us.

"If this is what happens when I punch you" I say breathlessly a few moments later "remind me to do it more often"

A tired laugh is all that meets my ears as Happy moves to the side of me flopping onto his back, he pulls me into his side making my head land on his chest as he reaches down grabbing the covers from where I left this this morning at the bottom of the bed.

"Sleep little girl"

Normally I would have balked at an order like that from a man but as the soothing ache settles between my thighs and my eyes fight to stay open I decide to argue with him later but for now, now I sleep.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

A shrill sound of a phone ringing rouses me from my sleep and I groan before trying to bury my head in Happy's chest further, hoping if I ignore the damned sound it would go away.

"Answer the god damn phone little girl" Happy growls from above me and I sigh before making the climb to the bottom of the bed, grabbing my jeans as soon as I can reach them.

I pull my phone from my pocket and open it "What" I growl

"Jesus baby girl, did someone wake up on the wrong side of the bed"

I stop as I hear Minky's voice and look back over at Happy to see he's gone back to sleep, the clock on the side of the bed reading five am. I sigh before climbing off the bed, hissing as the cold air hits my skin and head into the bathroom, shutting and locking the door behind me.

"Don't you ever sleep" I whisper sitting down on the toilet to do my business, might as well whilst I'm here

"The information for you came in early" Minky replies not even asking questions about my whispering, one too many conversations like this kind of makes it where he already knows the drill.

I sit on the toilet long after I've done my business listening as Minky fills me In on everything Minky has learnt about the naked man in my bed. My breath hitches as I realize my fears were right. If I was ever caught for being a rat, it would be Happy that kills me.

"Cheer Minky" I whisper once I've found my voice again

"Be careful" he sighs and I feel my heart lurch for Minky, he's always agreed about woman being in the MC world, even patched in, but he's never agreed with us having to do the dirty jobs. And this job qualifies as more then dirty.

"I will" I nod even though he can't see me and end the call.

I sigh and flush the toilet placing my phone on the sink and finally raising my head to look in the mirror, a loud curse emitting as I see the deep purple hand print on my throat. I look down at my hips to see the same kind of bruising there as well, as well as small bruises on the inside of my things from where Happy's hips met my skin.

"I look like a god damn punch bag" I whisper before shaking my head and turn on the shower stepping in and begin washing the memory of Happy from my skin. Once finished with my shower I wrap a towel around my body and grab another drying my hair as I unlock the door and head back into my room. My eyes drift to the bed to see Happy still sleeping, the sheet tucked around his waist, his arms crossed under the pillow. I shake my head and begin getting dressed wanting nothing more then to get out of the this room.

Once dressed and looking somewhat presentable minus the bruising around my neck I head out of the room shutting the door quietly behind me and head into the main area of the clubhouse. I stop short as I see my dad sat at the bar drinking a cup of coffee.

"So the screamer wakes up" he says turning to look at me, a small smirk playing on his face "Never let me hear that shit again"

"I won't dad" I laugh walking towards him giving him a hug and kiss on the cheek.

As I go to move he grabs my wrist moving my still damp hair away from my neck, a low curse in what I recognize as Scottish leaving his lips as he takes in the bruising.

"He and I are having a chat later"

"Dad don't" I sigh "Its fine, I don't bruise for long, it will be gone by the end of tomorrow"

"I don't care" He says calm, too calm "You're my daughter; I don't want you walking around with a god damn bruise around your neck. It raises too many questions"

"Okay" I say raising my hands in a surrender motion, knowing it isn't worth me arguing with him. I might be twenty seven but in his eyes I'll always be his little girl.

"The coffee's not long been on" He says changing the subject

I nod and walk over grabbing a mug and pouring myself a cup before walking over and sitting next to him, letting my head drop onto his arm.

"What's the plan today baby girl?"

"I'll probably help Aunt Gemma again" I shrug "Keeps me out of trouble"

He nods and I take a swig of my coffee, I stop short as I feel my dad stiffen underneath me and I look up to see that Happy has walked into the room, his eyes trained on me. I smile weakly before excusing myself. I grab my dad's smokes and head outside sitting myself on a picnic bench, the early morning sun my only companion as I sit there wondering what the hell is going on in the clubhouse but at the same time not wanting to know.

* * *

**End note – Okay so the smut was probably a load of bollocks but ah well. I didn't want the two of them meeting in a cushy sort of way as they are both complicated people and they don't do soft. So let me know what you think.**

**ALSO – I have a new story out, another Happy fic called Eyeliner Eyes and Tattooed Lines. Check it out if you want.**

**REVIEW DARLINGS.**


	8. Too Close for Comfort

**AUTHORS NOTE – PLEASE DO NOT IGNORE THIS**

**Okay so I've been really nice, I update every god damn day but for what two reviews a chapter. Look you all added it to your follow and favourite so you must like it. All I'm asking is you take FIVE GOD DAMN MINUTES TO REVIEW.**

**Just a simple review will do but I need to know you what you think and If my writing is okay.**

**So PLEASE review**

* * *

It started with the whiskey

And ended in a fight

The devil plays dirty

And that ain't right

Feelin slightly miserable

As darkness falls

Just a few short hours

From the best time of my life

HELL YEAH, LET'S GET IT ON

HEAD DOWN TO THE DEVIL'S BACKBONE!

WHISKEY, FIRE, THE DEVIL AND FRIENDS

HEAD DOWN TO THE DEVIL'S BACKBONE!

Devils Backbone – Rearview Ghost

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Two months had passed before I knew it, being back at home surrounded by everyone felt too familiar and I feel back into old routines too easily. I worked in the garage during the day and then was the unofficial bartender in the club on a night time. I didn't mind as it kept me busy but every time I looked at one of them, or I shared a laugh with one of them, the guilt of what I'm doing settles in so god damn harsh that sometimes I just start crying for no reason. Luckily no one has been privy to my little crying sessions. That would raise way too many questions.

Happy and I had also settled into a kind of routine, he moved into my room at the clubhouse and every night he would sleep with me. I didn't know if he was fucking anyone else on the side and to be honest I didn't want to as that was a deal breaker for me, so I simply didn't ask.

I wasn't his old lady, neither of us having talked about it and I didn't want to. If I was his old lady then my betrayal would just hurt a thousand times more for both of us. We were just simply two people who slept together, yeah okay I was privy to more information than some of the whores and I was the first person he sought out after a run but that didn't mean shit.

"Get out of your head little girl"

I look up at Happy's face as his voice pulls me out of my head and smile softly, the soft early morning sun filtering through the closed curtains dances across his face making him seem somewhat angelic as he stands next to the bed fully clothed, his Kutte in his hand.

"You okay" He asks and I nod, not wanting to go into unnecessary details.

"You heading out" I ask covering a small yawn

"Yeah" he leans down and tilts my chin before placing his lips roughly against my own.

He pulls back too quickly in my eyes and I pout causing a small chuckle to leave his lips.

"You make sure your ass is waiting when I get back"

"Yes sir" I purr and he smirks before leaning down again and giving me a chaste kiss.

He again pulls back and I watch as he grabs his bag and heads out of the door, sending me a small smirk before he shuts the door. I sigh and shake my head before groggily climbing from the bed, noting the time as seven am, just as I'm about to head into the bathroom my phone rings.

"Yeah" I sigh answering it

"Meet me at the diner you meet Disney in one hour"

A click signals the end of the call and I curse before throwing the phone onto the bed and head into the bathroom to have a quick shower. Once all the necessities are done I climb out and get dressed, throwing my still damp hair up into a ponytail.

As I walk out into the clubhouse I notice all the guys are gone and breathe a sigh of relief as I head over to my bike and climb out, starting it up and head out just as some workers come in to start their day. The whole ride to the diner I can't help but think what this meeting is going to be about, god knows it can't be good. As I pull up I curse as I recognize the bike, I might not have recognized the voice on the phone but that bike I'd recognize anywhere, Bumble.

I turn off my bike and climb off heading inside the diner, I spot Bumble sat in the corner and walk over just as a waitress does. The two of us order and I look over at my president waiting for him to speak. He does once the waitress has dropped off the coffee.

"It's been two months Chaos" he sighs "You haven't told us anything"

"I've got nothing to tell" I reply "I'm not an old lady so I am not privy to shit"

"Then get fucking privy. We know your sleeping with a member, the Tacoma killer" he smirks as a small gasp leaves my lips "You better get him to make you his old lady and start telling you shit"

"It doesn't work like that; he doesn't want an old lady. Just easy pussy" I growl

Bumble stops from replying as the waitress walks over and places down our food, we smile at her friendly and as she walks away Bumble glares at me.

"Well you best lock down that fucking pussy like fort Knox if you have to and tell him to tell you everything"

"That will just push him the fuck away"

"Then think of something"

I sigh and nod gently and we both begin eating, once were done I go to leave but Bumble puts a hand on my wrist stopping me, he hands me a piece of paper and I immediately know the deal. I have someone who I need to kill and once again I aren't getting any more information than what's on that little slip of paper.

"Be careful" Bumble sighs "The sons want this bastard too"

"You want me to kill someone before the sons do?" I ask shocked

"Yes" Bumble nods "So I'd best be on your way to Oregon now darling"

I nod and stand up as Bumble leaves money on the table to cover the food. I climb on my bike and with a nod to Bumble I head off down the street which will take me towards Oregon, feeling god damn happy that I remembered to grab my gun on the way out this morning.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Once inside the Oregon boundaries I pull over to a slip road and take the piece of paper out of my pocket and look it over to see a name, an address and also the crime in which the club needs him dead. I see that next to the crime the words 'x2 SOA' are written and I know that he has not only done the crime to us but also to the Sons, hence us both being after them.

I place it back into my pocket and head towards the nearest motel pulling in and parking my bike. I climb off and begin walking over to some of the cars, checking which one is unlocked. Once I find one and I've hotwired it I get back onto the road and head towards the address, luckily knowing where it is due to doing a kill down the street from it once.

I pull into the driveway and breathe a sigh of relief I see that the sons aren't here yet, I climb out of the car leaving it running and head towards the back. I listen closely before kicking open the back door and head inside pulling my gun as I go.

"Oh shit" the man I need curses as he sees me

"Hello Hector" I smirk placing on my Chaos the killer mask "Time to go, come on quickly before the other club you've pissed off comes a looking"

He nods and stands up following me out to the car and into the boot, got to give the guy credit he knows when he's done wrong. I climb back into the car and pull out onto the street as the sound of motorbikes sounds behind me; I turn to see the Sons pulling onto the street and curse loudly before driving off down the road.

Once clear and round the corner I begin to head towards the desolate streets where it's good to kill someone and dump them without anyone having a clue. I climb out the car once I find the perfect spot and look around making sure that no one has followed me. I open the boot and help Hector out before placing my gun against the side of his head.

"Chaos" he says looking up at me his eyes full of tears "I'm glad it was you"

"Why?" I ask shocked

"As I know it will be quick"

I nod and pull the trigger giving him the quick death he wanted. I shove my gun back into the back of my jeans and jump into the car pulling off and head back to the motel to collect my bike. I place an anonymous call to the local police once I'm far enough out and smirk as I think of the guys faces when they find out I killed them and stole that kill of them. Yeah they might be family but I have always liked getting one up on people.

As I pull up the motel I stop short as I see Tig, Juice and Kozik gathered around the outside of the motel. I look around to see where I can park and I decide to park in the shaded area, near the shelter I parked my bike in and begin thinking of ways out of this god damn shit storm.

After ten minutes of sitting in the car checking every window every ten seconds I feel my heart drop into my stomach as I see the rest of the guys roll up, my eyes instantly spotting Happy and by the look on his face they now know their man is dead.

I watch as they all climb off their bikes and fill the others in on the news, the loud pissed off voice of Tig making me smirk, I begin to fidget as I watch them all conversing outside the motel as if they've got all god damn day. Well I guess they have this run was meant to last them three days.

"Come on leave all ready"

Finally they head into one of the motel rooms and I jump out of the car and straight over to my bike and start it up and pull onto the road without even putting my helmet on, that was way too god damn close.

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**End note – Make sure to follow the authors note and review..It takes five minutes and I need to know if you guys even like this story.**


	9. Lies, Truths and New Homes

**AUTHORS NOTE – thanks for all the reviews. Please keep them coming as I don't want to have to demand them again.**

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Beneath the water

that's falling from my eyes

lays a soul I've left behind

the edge of sorrow was reached but now I'm fine

I've filled the hole I had inside

I'll pray it doesn't scream my name

so I light a flame and let it breathe

the air that kills the shame

I'm up

I'm down

like a rollercoaster racing through my life

I've erased the past again

The Past - Sevendust

I don't breathe properly until I'm pulling back into the garage, as I do I see Aunt Gemma staring at me her hands on her hips and I know I'm about to get a right grilling. As I park my bike I think of what lie to tell. As I pull off my helmet placing it on my mirror Aunt Gemma walks over.

"I know I gave you the day off but that doesn't mean you can run off and not tell anyone where you are" she berates

"Sorry" I smile "I went to look at some houses as I talked to my boss and it doesn't look like he's going to need me any time soon"

"Oh okay" she nods "Any luck"

"Not really no" I sigh climbing off my bike to stand next to her

"Well why don't I help you tomorrow" She suggests

"Yeah okay" I nod

I begin heading to the clubhouse but stop as her voice rings out again, I turn to look at her

"The guys are heading back" She calls

"That's early" I reply

"Yeah something went wrong"

I nod and carry on walking towards the clubhouse trying to keep my breathing regular, once in the safety of my room I let out a big breathe and look down at my trembling hands and head straight to the bathroom to get a shower. I turn off the hot water and begin pulling off my clothes, cursing as I see my top has blood splatter on it.

"I liked that one too" I pout but hide it at the bottom of my hamper with a mental note to burn it in the morning.

I finish stripping myself of my clothes, noticing that my jeans have blood on them too and wonder how the hell Aunt Gemma didn't notice and place them with my shirt. I step under the warm spray of the water and let my tense muscles relax.

Today was a day I don't really want to live again, I mean twice I was nearly caught by the sons and no matter how good I can lie my dad would have seen right through me and it wouldn't have taken them long to figure out I'd killed that man, hell I killed him in my signature way so only a fool wouldn't know it was me.

It was times like this when the guilt set so deep into my bones I felt like I'd aged five years in five minutes, plenty a time I had to catch myself from spilling my guts to my dad or Happy. Catch myself from telling them that not only had I betrayed them by joining their enemy but I was there to rat on them for said enemy.

"Baby" A voice calls and I snap my head to the side, thankful that the water was on my face to cover the tears that were falling.

"Shower" I call back

I watch with hooded eyes as Happy walks into the bathroom, a smirk covering his face as he looks at me in the shower. How he can see through the steam I'll never know but the question dies on my tongue as he begins stripping off and comes into the shower with me.

"Now there's a sight I like to see" He murmurs his voice low

"What me all wet" I purr

His smirk grows before his hands shoot out and grab my hips lifting me up against the shower wall, I wrap my legs around his waist and pull him in closer as his lips attach to mine in a sort of gentle way, a change from how we normally kiss, all teeth and blood. I hiss as he pumps his fill length inside me in one stroke, I throw my head back as his lips drop lower towards my neck his lips ghosting over some of the marks he's left their, some days old and some from just last night. He'd learnt his lesson about leaving a big ring of bruises and instead he just as he calls it 'marks his territory'.

I grip hold of his shoulder tightly my nails causing crescent mood dips in his skin as his pumps become faster and faster, small gasps leave my lips as I try to catch my breath and fail, my moans and hiss growing more stoked as the fire in my stomach growls into an inferno.

"Come on baby" Happy hisses in my ear "Let me feel you release all over my dick"

As though my body was waiting for his order my release hits hard and fast, my body quivering and jerking and my eyes roll into the back of my head as all breathe leaves my body, Happy follows soon after his head burying in my shoulder and my name slipping past his lips like a prayer.

He lets me down onto shaky feet and I bury my head in his chest, his arms coming around my shoulders to hold me closer. I place a chaste kiss against his snake tattoo before pulling back, my fingers tracing all his smiley faces.

"Bad day" I ask, quietly but load enough to be heard over the spray of the water

He nods and I sigh, hoping he would just open up to me. God knows I can handle it.

"What happened" I press hoping it doesn't back fire

He sighs and runs a hand over his bald head and down his face, his eyes staring into mine and I stare right back not backing down.

"The reapers got there first" I look at him confused, playing the part of a confused outsider "The Hell's reapers" he clarifies

I nod and he turns off the shower and steps out grabbing a towel and another handing it to me. I wrap it around my body and look back at him.

"They sent fucking Chaos for the guy. We must have only been five minutes behind her but she got to the guy first and fucking killed him"

I blink at the venom in his voice as he says Chaos and the guilt sets back in as I realize that he hates me, well not this me but the other me. Okay I just confused myself I look back at him and sigh.

"But you guys were going to kill him won't you?" I ask as I follow him back into the room

"No" he replies digging into his drawers before throwing a shirt at me "We needed him alive to do this deal but the fucking reapers have just shit on that again"

"Again" I ask trembling slightly, this was a bit more truth then I wanted but I hold out listening as he talks. Hell it's the most I've ever gotten him to talk in the last two months.

He points the bed and I finish drying my hair as best I can and climb in, watching as he throws my smokes at me and passes me the ashtray before climbing in himself. I light a smoke up and turn to look at him.

"We were meant to do this protection run last week but the reapers got in the way and ended up becoming a major shootout"

"Juice and my dad got shot" I murmur remembering last week when I had to help pull the bullets out their shoulder and clean them up

"For some reasons the reapers have stepped up their hate for us" he sighs pulling me into his side and I lift my arm making sure my cigarette doesn't burn him

"So what happens now" I whisper

"You don't go anywhere without a prospect with you, do you hear me" He growls and I nod "If something happened to you" He stops and I kiss his chest

"Anyway what did you do today" he asks changing the subject and I allow him to, he's not one to talk about his feelings and I'm fine with that, I'm not a big emotional speaker myself.

I tell him the same lie I told Aunt Gemma and the squeeze on my ass lets me know he's in total agreement with me getting my own place. I finish my smoke and place the ashtray on his side of the bed seeing as I'm next to the wall and climb up his body throwing my legs over his hips. I lean down and place my lips against his hoping to distract him so I don't have to tell anymore lies or hear anymore truths I don't want to hear.

And from the bulge growing near my ass I'd say he was okay with my distraction.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

I sigh as I follow Aunt Gemma and the estate agent into the fifth house of the day, my gun rubbing against the back of my trousers, the only reason I'm carrying it is me and Gemma had strict orders from Clay to carry them. I smirk as I remember when they found out I carried one and knew how to shoot, my dad looked as though he'd just swallowed a mouth full of bleach until I managed to say I carried It because there were bad people where I lived. I was thankful that I had bought a house in a shitty neighbourhood, but never lived there, so when Juice went digging it confirmed what I said.

I look at the outside of the house and smile, it's large patio housed a swing that I could see myself sitting on with a beer, maybe curled into Happy's side, maybe watching our kids running around the large garden. I stop myself at that image, I shouldn't be thinking about a future with Happy, there was no way that it would happen as sooner or later the truth will come out and the guys will be forced to kill me. I shake my head and follow Aunt Gemma as she continues to criticize the house like she had done the last four.

"The house has four bedrooms, five bathrooms, a large front garden as you saw but the back garden is larger with a patio a hot tub as well as a shed in the back. The garage can fill up to five cars and the kitchen comes complete with an extension for a big table" The estate agent reels off as we follow her into the kitchen and I smirk as I see the large table.

"It's as big as yours Aunt Gem" I smirk looking at it

"Works for big family dinners" she agrees

We follow the estate agent around the house, it was fully furnished and Aunt Gemma seemed to like the furniture present as she didn't criticize it too much, only the decorating. Once we enter the master bedroom I smirk as I see a large four poster bed in black and smirk at all the images that come filtering into my head, I turn to the estate agent to see her looking apprehensive.

"I'll take it"

She lets out a sigh and says she'll go get the paperwork as me and Aunt Gem finish looking around.

"Remind me to be nowhere near this house when you and Happy christen it" she smirks and I look at her weird to be met with a laugh "Nikki baby he hasn't left you alone since you two started sleeping together two months ago. He isn't going to let you be in a big house on your own now is he"

"Probably not" I shrug

She shakes her head and tells me to go fill out my paperwork whilst she writes a list of all the stuff I need and also the shopping list we're going to need. As apparently I'm holding the family dinner tomorrow. Awesome.

* * *

**End Note – Just a little question – Should Happy make Nikki his old lady and make her get the crow. Or all that come in the sequel – YES THERE IS GOING TO BE A SEQUEL. I already have some of it planned out. Let me know. AND PLEASE REVIEW.**


	10. Shit Storm

**AUTHORS NOTE – I need help, I need to think of ways of solving Nikki's problem, you know the lying to her club and being a part of their rival MC, ….If you guys have any ideas then please let me know of what can happen.**

**Enjoy and remember PLEASE REVIEW**

* * *

I know you hate me

I never meant to make you feel this way

I feel so betrayed

I never thought I could feel condemned

I never thought I could feel all your sin

Oh!

I can feel your madness now

Oh!

I can feel your fire now

It's what I burn for

It's what I bleed for

I would die for you

Die for you - Red

The next day saw all the guys moving new furniture into my house and getting rid of the ones I didn't like, myself and Aunt Gem had spent most of the night on the internet doing some shopping for the new house as well as some clothes shopping as god knows I needed clothes to fill the big ass walk in wardrobe.

I look over to where Happy and Juice are assembling the new grill in the back garden, both of them shirtless and sweat drips down their backs making their tattoo's glisten. Hap looks up as he feels my eyes on his and throws me a wink and a smirk before returning to his task, I shake my head and walk back inside, hissing as the cool kitchen floor meets my bare feet which had been stood outside on warm wood for the last ten minutes.

I walk over to my Aunt Gemma to see her putting food away, I'd wanted to help but she shooed me away saying she didn't need the help. I knew better then to argue with her but I felt out of place, all the guys were doing something or other for my new house and I was simply stood around doing nothing. When I'd told my dad he just smiled and said they were just glad I was setting roots down again and that I should stop arguing with them.

I take a deep breath and look up at my aunt, the woman who I could always talk to but who I felt further apart from now more than ever. "Aunt Gem"

"Yeah baby" she asks looking up at me

"Have you ever done something, something where you try and do what someone asks of you but it's so much that guilt eats away at you and you feel like admitting it all even if it's going to get you killed"

She sighs and wipes her hands on a cloth, grabs two beers and leads us out the front of the house and over to the porch swing, she hands me a beer and sits down, I jump up onto the railing off the porch so I can look at her.

"What have you done baby" she asks

"I can't tell you" I mumble "I'll be killed"

"Is it against the club?" she asks and at my nod stops for a moment in contemplation then opens her mouth "Baby they love you and no matter what you've done they would be able to forgive you. Your family"

"Not this time" I sigh before taking a swig of my drink "Either I'll be killed or fucking banished never to return again"

"Baby it can't be that bad" she says standing up and walking over to me "Talk to your dad, tell him everything that is going on. You won't know what's going to happen until you do"

I nod and she squeezes my shoulder and places a kiss on my cheek before heading back into the house, I jump down from the railing and sit on the porch swing, I light a cigarette and begin thinking, not even noticing as everyone keeps walking past me in and out the house leaving me to my thoughts. A hand on my shoulder makes me jump and I look up to see Hap smirking down at me.

"We're all heading to the clubhouse I'll be back later"

"Okay"

He leans down and places a chaste kiss on my lips before walking over to his bike where the others are and climbs on. I wave as they all head off and notice Gemma's car is no longer there meaning she left a while. I sigh and light a new cigarette and watch as the guys pull out, I wave to them as some of them wave back at me and return Tig's air kiss with a laugh causing Hap to frown.

I smoke my cigarette and finish my beer and as I notice it start to get colder I stand up to go inside but before I can enter the doorway a sharp pain spreads across the back of my head and my whole world goes black.

0-0-0-0-0-0

I come back to reality with a groan and after opening my eyes a couple of times to get rid of the blurriness I begin looking around where I am. I see I'm in some sort of barn and I'm tied to a beam.

"Well sleepy head is back with us" Ripper comes to stand in front of me, a sadistic look on his face "It's only been eight hours, looks like I hit you a bit hard"

I go to say something but end up crying out in pain as Rippers fist slams into the side of my face causing my mouth to fill with blood. I snap my head back to him and spit the blood out watching with grim satisfaction as it lands in his face. He growls and boots me in the side and I scream as I feel some of the bones crack and with a start I notice that this isn't the first beating I've had, while I've been knocked out they've been using me as punch bag, it was the only way to account for the full body pain I feel.

"Ripper ease up"

I look around and notice Bumble walk out of the darkness, a look on his face reminding me of Happy in a bad mood.

"Hey baby girl, glad you could join the party" he smirks before too kicking me in the same place Ripper had just done.

"What are you doing" I cry out

"Making a point" Ripper growls "Your boys killed three of our Tacoma boys last week so we need to hit them where it will hurt"

"And you thinking killing me will do that" I say spitting more blood onto the floor

"Well you are a daughter of a member"

I stop short and look up at Bumble my eyes going wide as I see the smirk planted on his face, my breath comes in short waves as I realize I am probably not leaving this barn alive.

"Oh don't worry baby" Ripper smirks "We knew you were a members daughter the minute you walked into our garage. Why do you think we had you prospect"

"You were using me" I whisper tears beginning to gather in the corners of my eyes but I wont let them fall, I won't let them see how deep this betrayal is cutting. I guess I'm getting an early taste of how much the betrayal is going to hurt my dad.

"Of course we were" Bumble laughs "My foolish dad may have believed that women deserved to be patched members but me, I see women as a means to an end. And you my darling where the biggest one and you just came walking into my life like a little lost lamb that needed someone to show you the way"

"YOU BASTARD" I scream and begin fighting at my restraints

"We were hoping you'd get killed on that job seeing as the sons wanted the same person but once again you slipped away. So we had to do this instead"

I stop fighting as Ripper takes his trusty knife from its sheath and walks over to me, he kneels down to my level and cuts off my top leaving me in just my bra. I cry out as some sort of liquid is poured over me and I watch as the solution Disney gives me start washing off leaving all my tattoos exposed. I look up at Ripper and glare before bringing my knee up, smirking in satisfaction as it connects with his dick.

"How will daddy feel when we show him who you truly are?"

"FUCK YOU" I scream

"Oh I will" Ripper growls and I watch with wide eyes as he begins cutting away my jeans, I start fighting my restraints again ignoring the pinch of pain as they dig into my wrists.

"Diggle, Hook why don't you calm our little lady down" Bumble smirks

Diggle and Hook come from the darkness and begin grabbing my body holding it against the beam making it impossible to fight. I screw my eyes closed and begin to cry as I feel my panties get cut away from my body and a zipper come down.

"Stand her up and hold her legs open"

I begin thinking of ways to get out of this, or at least of way to make it so I don't have a clue what is going on. When I feel Diggle and Hook move I move my head and lay my chin on my chest before throwing my head back forcefully smirking as my world once again goes black.

I wake up again to find myself in a heap on the floor, the pain between my legs mixing in with all the other pain I feel. I move a little and hiss out as the harsh floor scratches against the naked skin of my legs. I open my eyes and see Ripper sitting on a bale of hay smirking at me.

"I always knew your pussy would be good" he smirks "But hot damn girl you've been hiding that vice real fucking well"

"Fuck you" I whisper my voice quiet with no heat

"I'd love a repeat performance but your boys are on their way"

I notice that I'm in a shirt and my hands are no longer bound, I jump up ignoring the flare of pain and plant my fist into the side of Rippers, I ignore his cry and continue raining fists down before grabbing his gun and standing back training it on his head.

"You wouldn't dare" Bumble growls having entered the room hearing Ripper's calls

"Wouldn't I" I say before pulling the trigger watching as Ripper's dead body drops to the floor his eyes still open and wide with shock.

As Bumble goes to do something the sound of motorbikes filters through from the outside, as I go to move Diggle and Hook grab me and drag me back over to where I was bound earlier and place me in the bounds again. Bumble walks over and squats in front of me.

"You better play along or help me god I will kill you slowly"

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End Note - REVIEW AND LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK..Who hates Bumble even more now


	11. Two Masks, One Person

Out of the ashes, I'm burning like a fire

You can save your apologies, you're nothing but a liar

I've got shame, I've got scars

That I will never show

I'm a survivor

In more ways than you know

Cause all the pain and the truth

I wear like a battle wound

So ashamed, so confused

I'm not broken or bruised

Warrior – Demi Lovato

I watch helplessly from my position on the floor as the sons walk in all their guns pointed in front of them, my eyes land on my dad who takes one look at me and looks as though he wants to break down and cry but he holds it all together and trains his gun on Bumble. My eyes drift to Happy next and I immediately feel fear as this isn't the Happy I've gotten to know, this is the Tacoma Killer.

Clay comes to the centre of the fold and throws me a wink and right now I want nothing more than to shoot him in the fucking face, the cocky ass bastard. I begin wriggling at my bounds and cry out in my head as I notice they are looser then before and with enough movement I might just be able to get my hands out.

"How nice of you guys to join us" Bumble smirks opening his hands in greeting "We were just getting acquainted with dear Nikki here. She's a fighter you must be so proud of your daughter" He says addressing my dad who growls and I watch as Opie places a hand on his arm

"You took her because she's a member's daughter" Clay asks his voice steady betraying nothing

"Well we were going to kill her after we'd had our fun but you kind of interrupted that" Diggle says next his gun coming to rest at my temple and I temporarily stop trying to get my hands from the binds.

"After all we know in the club world the little girls are just that little girls, they hold no heat" Bumble adds and I can tell he is taking a whole lot of fucking joy out of this "Not like the old ladies"

"She is an old lady" Happy says and all of our heads snap to him "She's mine"

"Well Nikki dear you kept that one hidden" Bumble says turning to look at me a look of pure joy on his face.

My eyes though, they are trained on Happy and I feel a small stab of hurt enter my heart as I realize he doesn't mean that, he only said it in hopes of keeping me alive a little while longer whilst they sort shit out. Tears begin to gather at the corner of my eyes but I refuse to let them fall, after all I was the one who agreed to the casual sex relationship. I shouldn't get so hung up on this revelation.

I use the moment of distraction to finally pull my hands free of my bounds and land my elbow into Diggle's junk and grab his gun pulling the trigger shooting him in the side of the head, as the blood lands on me I look to the side and notice the others are watching intently, a hand grips my throat and I'm lifted to my shaky feet and slammed back into a chest, the smell letting me know its Bumble. My eyes land on Jax and I see his gun trained on Bumble but I'm in the way.

His eyes land on mine and I nod my head, he tilts his head slightly to let me know he doesn't understand and I let my eyes drift to notice no one is looking at me and look back at Jax.

"Shoot through me" I mime and when his eyes widen I know he's got the message. I nod to let him know it's okay and Jax pulls the trigger a burn emitting through my shoulder and I land on my knees on a scream.

"Baby girl" My dad shouts as he runs over and I collapse into his chest the tears finally falling.

"He's gone" Tig swears as he comes to stand over us

"I need to go to the hospital" I whisper "Daddy I need to go the hospital"

"Okay baby" He nods and places a hand under my knees and another around my shoulder lifting me up I rest my head on the crook of his neck and before I let the darkness take me I whisper "Don't worry I won't say anything to those nosy fuckers at the hospital"

"I know baby" he smiles but I notice it's forced "Come on let's get you there"

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

I'd been in the hospital three days between the gunshot to my shoulder, the whole left side of my ribs being broken as well as the hairline fracture in my leg and the rape the doctors wanted to keep an eye on me. I'd not said anything to them; luckily Unser filled me in on what the guys said before he asked for my statement. I'd shed a bitter smile as he told me about how worked up they all were, I wouldn't know as I'd refused to see them all.

I just couldn't look them in the eye and lie about what happened; they think I got took because I'm a daughter of a member. How am I meant to tell them that for nearly ten years I've been wearing two masks and as of right now they seem to be merging into one another? I couldn't so I simply avoided them, pretending to sleep when they managed to sneak in and ignored their pleads through the closed door when I was awake. I just couldn't face any of them.

I look up as my door opens and smile as Disney walks in, a bag in her hand and a look on her face that makes her look older then her thirty five years.

"Oh baby" she cries rushing over "They did a fucking number on you"

"I'm okay"

"We didn't know a thing baby I promise" she says staring me in the eyes "All the guys have started doing votes without us. Blanking us when we ask about it, and from the looks of it this was one of them votes"

"Ya think" I reply sarcastically and then regret it "Sorry D"

"Don't baby" she smiles "I understand your hate. Now come on let's get them colours covered before a nurse comes and does her rounds"

I nod and she helps me from the bed and into the bathroom and helps me out of my hospital gown. I lean against the bathroom sink as she sets up the cream stuff.

"Thank god all your damage is on the left, not the right where you're birds are as that might have raised some questions. Ya know you're bruising disappearing almost instantly"

"Yeah" I nod "Leave the sleeves and my legs, they've already seen them"

"What are you going to say about em?"

"I don't know" I sigh "But I'll figure it out"

She nods and we drift into silence as she works to cover my colours and my birds, I feel a little better once I know they're covered as no matter what the nurses who'd seen them can't say shit. Once done D helps me back into my gown and as she helps me back into my room we see Clay sat in one of the chairs. D ignores him and helps me into bed, patting the covers and tucking me in like a mother would and I welcome it.

"Thanks D" I smiles "Hey you wouldn't mind running to one of the food places and getting me something to eat. I could murder a burger and a milkshake"

"Of course baby" She smiles before looking at Clay and then back to me "You going to be okay"

"Yeah" I nod

She smiles and gives me a gentle hug before heading out; I sigh and look over to the silent man in the corner. His pose betraying nothing and I still feel the itch from the clubhouse of wanting nothing more than to shoot him in the face.

"You okay"

"Let's see" I growl sarcastically "I got beaten and raped. So yeah I'm as fresh as a daisy"

"You got shot too" He replies calmly ignoring my sarcasm

"I made Jax shoot me, so I don't care about that"

He nods and sighs running a hand down his face "Look I'm sorry this happened to you but you did well. You shot that man"

"I only managed to shoot him because Hap caused the distraction" I cut him off

"You're his old lady"

"No, I'm not stupid I know he only said it as a way to save my life"

Clay nods and looks me in the eyes "He wants to see you and your dad. You can't keep pushing them out Nikki. I know you're going through shit but you need them"

"Are you going to get to your point as to why you're here or keep berating me for what I do with my life?"

"I wanted to make sure you remember your promise"

I choke out a laugh and look at him in a total different light, no longer knowing the man who sits opposite me, his face blank and void of all emotion.

"I was eighteen when I made that promise" I point out

"You've been playing this game since then Nikki, I can't afford for you to fail on it now"

"You honestly don't give a shit about me do you?" I ask

"Of course I do princess" He replies and I snort

"If you cared you wouldn't be asking me to continue playing the game. You would want me to end it" I whisper

"I'm sorry"

"So am I" I nod

I watch as he leaves and closes the door softly before him before letting more tears fall, it would seem all I've done since I came back is cry and hurt those around me. Sometimes I regret coming home but then there is always something there to remind me it's where I should have stayed, or where I should be.

All I can hope is they are still there for me when the truth comes out.

* * *

**End Note – REVIEW PLEASE and let me know what you think..QUESTION Who's confused?**


	12. Things are changing

**A big thank you to Ericzmic, this girl has become my main feeder when it comes to ideas. She thinks a lot like me and I think it's awesome. Thanks for the food for thought darl and I hope you like the coming chapters.**

* * *

We deceive the world with lies we hide

Behind the smiles

We can see the home of desperate hearts

The truth has fallen down

The illusion we've become

A fear we can't outrun

We're closing in our emptiness

We're broken

You alone, You can see right through

This glass house we call home

You alone, You can take away the pain

Yeah, You have shown, You can break right through this glass house of our souls

Make us whole again, Make us whole

Glass House - Red

After my situation with Clay the rest of my time in Hospital passed without a hitch minus Happy. He'd snuck into my room whilst I was sleeping and stayed sat there even after I woke up, his dark gaze looking over all the bruises on my face that had taken a while to come out.

"You okay" He asks as he helps me into a hoodie ready for when I'm discharged, which should be in the next ten minutes.

"I'm fine" I hiss trying to move my left arm, feeling the healing skin of my bullet wound snag

He just looks at me and I stick my tongue out not wanting to hear his shit or have him look at me the way he is, as though I'm a little china doll that's going to break. God knows I'd been through worse and he needed to fucking understand that but then again he didn't know the true me so there isn't much I can fucking do to show him.

"Stop acting childish"

"Fuck you" I growl

"Baby I'd love you but you're healing"

I sigh and shake my head sitting on the hospital bed as I place on my boots, I can feel the elephant in the room and look up at Happy to see him looking at me.

"About what you said" I start "I know you only said that to keep me alive. So don't feel pressured I understand"

"Baby I might have said it to keep you alive but I was going to end up saying it in the future and I can't take it back now so we're just going to have to live with it.

I nod and he leans down placing a chaste kiss on my lips. I smile as he pulls away and look at the wall. I hadn't told him what Ripper had done, he didn't need to know as Ripper was dead and I just wanted to forget it. Luckily I had knocked myself out otherwise I don't think I would have been able to brush it away as quickly.

All I wanted to do was to heal, fuck Happy and get over it. A doctor walks in and smile at him as he looks me over.

"Make sure you keep that bullet wound clean and change the dressings frequently and it should be fine and not too much pressure on your ribs and I don't see there being a problem"

"Okay thanks doc"

He nods and leaves and I jump off the bed and head for the door Happy following behind me. I walk out the hospital and follow Happy over to what I recognize as Gemma's escalade.

"I borrowed it as I didn't think you'd want to ride on a bike being injured"

"Thanks"

I climb up into the car and watch as Happy places my bag into the back before climbing into the driver's seat and starts the car up. He pulls out of the hospital parking lot and heads towards my house, I sigh as I remember the last time I was here. Here is where I was taken and my whole god damned nightmare began.

"There is going to be someone staying with you at all times" Happy says as though reading my mind

"Who" I ask

"Me on most nights" He smirks "But when I've got stuff to do it will be one of the prospects"

"Okay"

We drift into silence again and I look out the window as I see the streets of Charming pass by and I can't help but let my thoughts drift. Drift to the game I've been playing for years, I no longer know what I'm playing for anymore, what side I'm on and who the fucking rules are all of the lines being blurred.

I sigh as I think back onto what Clay said and I cant help but feel a shit load of hate build up in my body till I feel my hands shaking, I glance over at Happy and see that he hasn't noticed and take a deep breathe in hopes of calming the raging thoughts. Clay will have his day and I hope to fucking god I am there to witness his downfall.

"We're here" Happy murmurs and I look up as he pulls into the driveway

I climb out once the car stops and begin heading into the house, I ignore everyone sitting in my living room and head straight for the stairs wanting nothing more than to climb into my bed and sleep for like a gazillion years till shit is no longer a fucking game, till I no longer have to wear two masks.

I strip off the hoodie ignoring the flare of pain and climb under the covers pulling the pillow close as I begin crying, crying for the life I'm leading and will no doubt have to leave.

"You okay baby"

I hear my dad walk in and walk over to the other side of the bed and kneel down till he's eye level with me, I shake my head and he sighs before climbing onto the bed pulling me into his chest where I cry, holding him as close as I can get without climbing into his skin.

"I love you daddy"

"I love you too baby" he replies squeezing me gently "So god damn much"

His words just make me cry harder as I close my eyes trying to pretend that my day of reckoning wasn't around the corner.

0-0-0-0-0

"Really" I ask Happy as he stands in my living room with nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist and big ass bowl of cereal in his hand

"What"

I shake my head and carry on cleaning up the mess in the living room from the party last night. It had been four months since my beating meaning I'd been back in Charming for six months now. Things had returned to semi normal and I was happy for that but it didn't stop me from looking over my shoulder every time that I was alone.

"Come here"

I squeal as hand grab my hips throwing me down onto the couch and I look up at Happy, I turn my head to see he's place his bowl on the table. He turns my head back to me before placing his lips against mine, I moan and begin to kiss him harder my hands coming to rest around his shoulders pulling him to me. He pulls back and undoes my robe smirking as he sees im not wearing anything underneath.

He brings his head down to my breasts and takes a nipple into his mouth and I let out a moan as he beings using both his tongue and teeth to start the fire inside, he uses his hand on the neglected bud his fingers doing the same as his mouth.

I sneak a hand down between us and undo the towel from his waist allowing it to drop to the floor; he lets my nipple go with a small drag of his teeth and smirks.

"No foreplay"

"I need to be at work in twenty minutes and If I'm late again Aunt Gemma will have both of our heads"

He just shrugs before lining up his member with my opening before thrusting it sheathing himself to the hilt. I moan as he beings slow and teasing thrusts before throwing him a glare.

"Trying to make me late"

"Maybe"

I throw my head back on a groan as he continues the slow and torturous movements, just enough to stoke the fire and keep the ending from happening too quickly. Im jolted as he manages to sit up making me straddle his hips and my face level with his. I begin moving my hips up and down in the same torturous rhythm he set and lean forward fastening my lips to the healing mark on his neck.

As I begin sucking on the old mark I begin moving my hips faster and faster and just as he being moving his hips in the same movement I slow down revealing in the groan that leaves his lips.

"It's not fun being tortured is it" I whisper in his ear to be met with a growl and his hold to tighten on my hips

I grab hold of his shoulders as he lifts me a little and begins roughly thrusting upwards, I begin matching him thrust for thrust and lean down placing small kisses against his neck. As my release hits I once again sink my teeth into the mark I was teasing earlier to hide my scream and only let go after Happy has his own release my name leaving his lips in a shout.

We both sit there breathing heavily before looking over at the clock on the wall to see I was supposed to be at work five minutes ago. I groan and manage to climb off Happy before running upstairs and getting dressed lightning fast. I run back down stairs and place my boots on smiling as Happy walks over my keys and shit in his hands.

"See you later"

"It's going to be a late one tonight"

I nod "I'll leave the porch light on"

He nods and I kiss him before rushing out of the house and over to my bike jumping on and pulling out of the driveway. I sigh as I realize once again I couldn't say it. Two months ago I'd come to realization that I loved Happy but no matter how much I tried I couldn't say those words. I didn't know how he felt as we never talked about it and to be honest I didn't want to.

I know if he loved me god knows my betrayal would hurt worse. I pull into Teller-Morrow and rush over to the garage ignoring the smirks from the guys and bury myself in the bike I was working on the day before.

* * *

**End note – I don't know how much longer this story will be going on. HENCE the time gap in the second part…I have already wrote the ending and half of the prologue for the sequel and yes ericzmic you inspired most of it but I've edited it because as I said im a sucker for a HEA. Anway REVIEW AND LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK.**


	13. Surprises

**WARNING – THERE ARE TRACINGS OF ABUSE/BEATING IN THIS CHAPTER. SORRY**

Liar, liar, pants on fire

And the pills go down and get you higher

Baby bottle's burning, motherfucker

And the mother hates him like the daughter

Only god and maker gripping tighter

Saying you will burn in hell, they say

You will burn in hell

Liar, liar, pants on fire

Liar, liar, stop your soul from catching

Fire, fire, god and maker

Liar, liar, pants on fire

Liar, Liar – The Used

After a day of teasing and finally finishing the bike I was rebuilding I walk over to my bike and climb on, one of the workers Dog waves and reminds me about dinner at his place tomorrow. I'd met his wife and learnt we were old school mates so when she'd invited me to dinner I'd agreed as I knew Happy had a run tomorrow which would last about three days, him, Tig and Kozik were on it.

"See ya tomorrow Dog" I call

"Don't forget it's our day, so make sure you ignore the number"

"Oh I will" I laugh

Me and Dog have the same days off but last week Gemma was low workers so she gave me and Dog a call and because we're suckers we both gave in and worked. But with the dinner happening tomorrow I know for a fact I won't be giving in to my aunt Gem so easily. I place on my helmet and start my bike kicking up the kick stand and follow Dog out of the gates, I pull up beside him and with one more wave we split off as I head home. Luckily I had no more babysitters as they sons thought I was safe due to no more meetings with the Reapers, from the intel I'd gathered they were also leaving other son chapters alone. But I knew different, I knew they were planning something.

I pull up to my drive and kick down the stand as I notice Clay's bike sitting in my drive aswell. I turn off the bike and place my helmet on the mirror before climbing off. As I do my front door opens and there stands Clay.

"You ok" I ask as I walk towards him

"We need to talk"

I sigh and follow him into my house, I watch him closely as I shut the door and quickly feel my pockets to make sure I have my phone, seeing I do I take a breath before opening my mouth.

"What's wrong?" I ask steadily

"You've been silent about your attack" he replies not facing me

"I wanted to forget it"

He nods and I realize I'm stood an arm's length away from him but before I can step back he spins around and his fists lands in the side of my face. I fall to my knees and grip my cheek looking up at him.

"I had an interesting phone call off Bumble today"

I gasp and look up to him with wide eyes as he kneels down to look at me.

"He tells me you've not been a good girl and doing the job he told you to do"

He reaches an arm forward and grabs my hair before slamming my head down onto my kitchen floor; my eyes go wide with pain as my nose busts splattering my floor with blood.

"You promised nearly ten years ago Nikki that you would not only get Intel on the Reapers for me but when the Reapers asked you would give them all the Intel you could on the sons"

"I didn't want to betray my dad or Happy" I whisper

"So loyal" he spits before once again hitting my head off the floor "You broke your promise"

I lay there defenceless as Clay begins kicking me in the sides and on any other part of my body he can reach. As he stops I look up at him to see he's looking down at me, a look of distaste on his face.

"How are your dad and Happy going to think of you once they learn who you really are huh"

"Don't please" I beg

"Oh I won't" He smirks "That's all on you"

He goes to walk away and once he hits my kitchen doorway he turns to look at me.

"You will say this was the Reapers otherwise I will kill you next time"

I watch as he leaves before grabbing my phone from my pocket and ringing the only person I can think of Happy.

I tell him what happened; telling him it was the Reapers, before closing the phone and calling someone else.

"Hey baby"

"Disney" I whimper

"Shit baby what happened"

"Nothing" I whimper "I need you to come to charming with that stuff and my bike"

"Why?"

"I'm telling my dad the truth and no doubt I'll either get killed or banished"

"Okay baby, I'll meet you at the border if you get banished but I'll bring everything you need"

"Love you D"

"Love you too baby"

Just as I've finished my call I hear the sounds of Harley's and a bike pull up and I watch as Happy and my dad run in followed by one of the prospects.

"Shit" My dad curses as Happy runs over and kneels next to me

"Come on" He says softly before picking me up in his arms and walking me out of the house. He walks over to the black van parked on the curb and lays me in the back.

"Take her straight to the hospital, no stopping" he growls to the prospect who nods and runs around to the driver's seat

"I'll meet you there baby"

I nod and watch as he closes the back doors and the van speeds away from my house no doubt taking me to St Thomas.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

As I see waiting for the doctor to come back and tell me the results of my X-rays I can help the sense of déjà vu that washes over me as I stare at the wall, the same wall, sort of, that I was staring at after my last beating. I chuckle to myself as I think on how weak Clay's beating actually was. His punch was as weak as a child's, must have been why he used his feet to finish it off.

The door to the room opens and I watch as Gemma walks in, her eyes sympathetic as she brings me into a gentle hug before pulling back to look at me.

"Oh baby these reapers need to pay and soon"

"Yeah" I whisper

"Don't worry Happy is searching for them now"

"They'll be long gone by now"

"You're Happy's old lady baby, he has to avenge you" she smirks "Though he wouldn't if he could see you fight"

"I'm good aren't I" I smirk

She laughs and shakes her head before petting my hair as I remember when I beat one of the mechanics in the boxing ring last week. We were simply messing around and I owned his ass, knocking him flat on his back within ten minutes. It took two hours for the ass to wake up and when he did me and the others ripped him to pieces. But one other good thing came from that fight; Happy and I had some hot as sin sex to congratulate my win.

My head snaps to the doorway as it opens to reveal the same doctor who cared for me last time.

"You just like St Thomas" He jokes

"Must do" I reply

"Okay you're X-ray shows no broken ribs, no fractures so it's just major bruising"

"Okay" I nod

"The stitches in your face will need to be removed in three days"

"Thanks"

"Oh and also your baby is fine"

"What" I ask making the doctor jump at the tone of my voice

"Erm you're about two months pregnant" he says looking up at me as if waiting to see how I'll take the news "Didn't you know"

"Do you think I'd have said what I did if I knew"

"I'm sorry" he replies

"It's okay"

He smiles and walks from the room and I turn to look at Aunt Gemma who pulls me into a hug.

"Congrats baby"

"You can't tell Happy" I say in her ear "Please don't say anything"

She pulls back to look at me and sighs when she sees I'm deadly serious"

"Okay baby" she nods "Now come on let's get you out of here"

I follow my aunt Gemma blindly as she leads me from the hospital and over to her car. We climb in and she takes me back to my house both of us silent and wondering about the news I got given today. I sigh as I climb out the car when she pulls up and looks over to her.

"Can you get my dad to come over?" I ask

"Sure baby"

I close the car door and head up the drive and over to my door, scowling as I see it's still unlocked. I walk in and begin looking around the house before letting the tears fall, as they fall and I think back over everything I begin trashing my house. I throw tables, pull down bookcases, throw lamps, anything and everything in my way getting thrown. As I stop at the mirror on the wall in the landing I stare into it and scowl. I pull back my hand and punch straight through the glass, ignoring the pain as I let the glass shatter.

I head into the kitchen ignoring the blood dropping down my hand and lean against a kitchen counter before punching the counter over and over again. That's where my dad finds me and pulls me away before cacooning me into his chest.

"Shh baby" he whispers in my ear "Come on, tell me what all this is about"

* * *

**END NOTE – After this chapter there is only going to be two more, a full chapter and then the ending. BUT there will be a sequel. So don't hate me.**

**PLEASE REVIEW.**


	14. The Truth Can Shatter

I pirouette in the dark

I see the stars through me

Tired mechanical heart

Beats till the song disappears

Somebody shine a light

I'm frozen by the fear in me

Somebody make me feel alive

And shatter me

So cut me from the line

Dizzy, spinning endlessly

Somebody make me feel alive

And shatter me!

Shatter Me – Lindsey Stirling ft Lzzy Hale

My eyes open and I bring my hands up to rub them but stop as I see my hand is bandaged, I sit up and look to see my other one is bandaged too. My eyes look around to see I'm laid on the couch in my front room and all the mess I'd created earlier has been cleaned.

"Dad" I call

I turn to the doorway as I hear footsteps and smile lightly as I see my dad come to a stop in the doorway, his wise eyes staring at me in worry.

"You scared me baby" He sighs and I nod

"I'm sorry"

I stand up and walk past him into the kitchen trying to get my breathing under control as I know he will want answers. And I will give him them, I have to give him them as I can no longer carry on this way.

"Coffee" I ask as I walk towards the pot and begin putting a fresh load on.

"Baby" he starts and I turn to look at him holding up a hand.

"Just wait" I sigh "I will tell you everything but please let me get my head sorted"

I turn back to the coffee pot and hear my dad walk over to the fridge and pull out a few beers before walking over to the table and sitting down. As I wait for the coffee I reach for the smokes on the side and light one up before pouring myself a black coffee, knowing I'll need something strong to help me through the next few hours. Once I've got my coffee I grab my smokes and head to the table sitting in the chair next to my dad.

"Do you want to tell me why I just witnessed you trying to break your own hands and then had to hold you as you went through a god damn breakdown?"

"I will" I nod "But you need to promise me something"

"Nikki"

"No daddy, you need to promise me that even with everything I am going to tell you that you will not hate me" I state staring him deep in the eyes "I can live with you being disappointed but I can live with you hating me so please daddy promise you will not hate me"

"I promise" He says seriously whilst staring me in the eyes and I nod before taking a drag of my cig.

"I was always the lost little girl" I start "I was easily manipulated into doing what everyone asked of me. But I always had this itch, this itch to get out of Charming and find myself in a place I didn't know and start over, maybe ride a Harley just for kicks. But I kept it at bay; I kept that shit buried deep because I didn't want to leave you"

"Baby"

"No dad, I need to say all this so please try not to interrupt" I sigh looking at him quickly before averting my eyes back to the cup in my hands "I kept it at bay and I just went through the motions. Until the day the Hell's reapers rolled into the lot and I saw those female bikers, all of them looking like they belong and it became harder for me to keep that itch from surfacing"

I take a deep breath as I feel the tears start to build and reach for a new smoke lighting it before carrying on with my tale "Two days before I left Clay came to me, he asked me to do something. He said I was the only one that could do it and all of you guys had voted it in and wanted me to do it. He asked me to leave Charming, ride to Vegas and try my hardest to join the Hell's Reapers. And that's exactly what I did two days later when I left in the middle of the night"

"I rode and carried on riding until I collapsed in a motel on Vegas' strip. I slept for three days and when I woke up the next day I began looking for jobs everywhere, I didn't want to listen to Clay but in the end I found myself at the Hell's Reapers garage, they told me to come back in two days which I did and it was there I met the president Bumble. He asked me to fix his bike, no problem as you'd been teaching me that from the minute I could walk. When I left that second day I had a job"

"I worked in the garage for six months before I was approached about prospecting, I thought all my Christmas' had come at once and immediately jumped on it, forgetting what Clay asked of me because I finally felt at home. I did my full year and was patched in."

"What's your name" My dad asks and I chuckle

"Chaos" I reply and my dad curses loudly but I ignore him and continue

"I was given the name because I'd kicked the asses of a lot of whores who hung around the club and I'd started more than enough fights" I chuckle "I was a normal member up until just after my twenty second birthday, the guys realised I was the quietest member when it came to sneaking up on someone and putting them to ground so my role was changed to enforcer"

"For five years I was the one who took out who killed those who had either hurt my club or acted as a threat to my club. My first kill nearly broke me but I soon got used to it. I also learnt I was a masochist and started recording my kills by getting a black bird tattooed on my side"

"How many" My dad whispers "How many kills"

"I'm two birds short of thirty"

"Jesus Nikki" He shouts

"The whole time I worked and killed someone Clay would keep ringing me for information about the Reapers but I wouldn't give him it, I wasn't a god damn Rat and I was no longer his god damn play thing" I growl "But he carried on, the threats kept changing but every time he threatened me I made a move which stopped that threat in its tracks"

"Clay wanted you to rat on the reapers" My dad asks

"Yeah" I nod "He wanted me to give him information on how to bring them down. He even said he didn't give two shits if I was there when it happened. I would be a casualty of war"

"Anyway about Six months ago we found two of our guys dead beside two Sons" I say carrying on "We didn't know what happened so Bumble asked me to come here to Charming and be a Rat on you guys" I laugh darkly

"You what"

"I didn't rat dad, it's not who I am and who I never will be" I sigh "That attack where you found me with the Reapers, that was them trying to get me to give information but I wouldn't. Hell they had Ripper rape me but I still wouldn't say a thing"

"You killed Ripper"

"Course I did. That fucker was not going to be breathing after doing that to me" I sigh "But I still didn't Rat and Clay hated that fact so he came to me in the hospital and tried to get me to remember my promise. I remembered it but it didn't mean shit, I wasn't going to do it"

"So the attack that landed you in hospital today?" He asks

"Clay" I whisper "Bumble phoned him and told him I wasn't doing as I was told"

"Clay and Bumble are working together"

"It would appear so" I sigh "But daddy I swear down on yours and Happy's lives I did not rat. I haven't said a god damn thing about either club to anyone."

I light up another smoke as my dad stands up and begins pacing around my kitchen, his hands running through his hair over and over, a failsafe tick for my dad. I drink my now cold coffee as I await the questions.

"Your tattoos, Happy would have said something if he saw your birds" he asks turning to me "Everyone knows Chaos, well you, had the birds"

"One of my club sisters Disney helps keep a track on the porn business the club owns, she gave me some stuff that can cover tattoos"

He nods "Did any of them come near the clubhouse"

"No" I say exhaling smoke and looking up at the ceiling "Not when they were meeting me, I usually got a call to meet that at the Diner just outside of Charming. And it was only ever Disney I met the most. Bumble once"

"How could you Nikki"

"I was lost daddy" I cry "I just wanted somewhere to belong"

"You belonged here" He shouts making me jump

"No I didn't" I reply "I couldn't live being just a princess, yeah these six months were awesome but that's because I'd already done what I wanted to do since I was little which Is wear a Kutte and ride a Harley. But you know me daddy; I couldn't have lived with being looked after"

"Jesus Nikki, you really have made a mess this time"

"What happens now" I ask timidly

"I've got to take it to the table, it has to be a club decision" He sighs "Do you have any proof"

"Not on me"

"Jesus"

I shake my head as I return my gaze to the ceiling feeling quite proud that I'd called Disney to bring my proof down. I know Clay will lie and get all this pinned on me, he'll make up some bullshit story that will make me the bad one and all them idiots will lap it up because he's the President and they have to listen to him.

"Wait here"

I nod absently as I begin thinking on what my next move should be, I pray they don't order me killed as god knows that will make Disney start shooting people as that woman loves me like her own child but also it would kill my dad. If I'm banished then at least I can raise my baby somewhere, yeah the baby will never know it's dad but I can live with that, I think.

I stand up from my chair and grab my keys before heading up to my room and over to my drawers, I grab the smallest key on my set and unlock the top one. I reach in and pull out a letter, a letter I had written when I realised I loved Happy and when I knew I was going to be breaking his heart. I turn as I hear my dad and relock the draw before walking over to him.

"Can you give that to Happy" I ask "But wait a while, wait until some of this shit has blown over and things are quieter"

"Baby this shit won't blow over for a while" he sighs "I know but please daddy, give it to him"

He nods and places it inside his Kutte before steeling his eyes on me "We need to go to the clubhouse their calling church"

I nod and walk into my bathroom quickly grabbing a syringe and my hoody.

"What's that?"

"A sedative, I want you to give it to me before you go into church. It's the only way I'll be calm enough whilst you do what's needed"

"Okay"

He takes it from my hand and then leads the both of us down the stairs and out the door, I lock it behind me and hand him the keys before following him to his bike. He hands me his helmet and I place it on and climb on behind him, wrapping my arms around his middle I can't help but wonder when I'll be able to do it again.

If ever.

* * *

**END NOTE – ONE more chapter after this. **

**PLEASE REVIEW, THE REVIEWS ARE DWINDLING AGAIN AND I DON'T LIKE IT AS AGAIN I DON'T KNOW IF YOU GUYS LIKE WHAT I'M WRITING. Thank you**


	15. Endings Suck

Life doesn't promise a bed of roses

Or white knights

Fields of emotions I'm trapped in darkness

Why me

Save me

To win this twisted war inside me

Won't justify the pain

Life doesn't promise a bed of roses

Lightning strikes the pages keep on turning

Help me to be strong

I'm floating in a sea of strange believers

Where do I belong?

Where Do I Belong - Anastacia

**3rd persons POV**

Chibs sat in his chair in the clubhouse chapel, his heart broken from what his daughter had to go through but it needed to go to the table. He needed his brothers to decide whether or not Nikki was telling the truth. God damn he loved her; she was his little girl but at the end of the day she had been spying on them and all along her- and Clay was supposedly working against two clubs.

"Chibs has something he wants to say" Clay starts once their all seated and Chibs takes a deep breathe.

He repeats everything Nikki told him, watching everyone's facial features as he does. Bobby who loved his daughter as much as he does has the face of a father who had let their child down. Happy on the other hand, he looks as though someone just tore his whole world apart. Once Chibs has finished everyone sits in silence letting the words sink in before one by one they all turn to Clay.

"There is no way I was behind any of Nikki's motivations over the last eight years" Clays starts and everyone hangs on his every word "We all loved her, she was the princess of the club but this, this is a step too far that we cannot take"

"Do you have any proof of what Nikki claims" Jax asks Chibs quietly and on Chib's no Jax sighs

"I say she should be killed for her betrayal" Clay starts and that's when everyone finds their voice arguing that fact.

"She ratted on the club" Clay shouts to silence everyone "We treat her like we do every other rat"

"We do not kill her" Bobby replies "That has always been club law, we do not kill woman"

Everyone nods as even though deep in their heart Nikki has betrayed them, no one could bring themselves to put a bullet in her head. It would break all of their hearts even further than it already has.

"We vote for eternal banishment" Jax states looking at everyone

Clay agrees and everyone votes, Chibs being the harder vote. He may love his daughter but she hurt him and she hurt his club he votes a yes. Once it gets back round to Jax and his yes hits the table Chibs chokes back tears as the vote was unanimous.

"Chibs, Tig, Jax and Happy take Chaos to the border, warn her of her banishment and if she is seen near any of the SONS clubhouses she will be killed"

Everyone jumps as the gavel hits the table and the four with orders stand up and head out of the clubhouse to where van where Nikki is unconscious inside after being given the sedative by Chibs before he went into the chapel.

Jax and Happy climb in the back as Tig and Chibs get into the front and begin driving to the border all of them silent. Jax looks up at Happy and can't help but feel sorry for the guy; everyone knew that Happy loved her. She may have only been in his life six months but she had made a difference to the Killer and Jax knows this has to be killing him.

As they reach the border Nikki comes too and jumps alert and scatters to the corner, looking at Jax and Happy before leaning her head back.

"I'm banished" she asks quietly and Jax nods "And if I go near a clubhouse I'm dead"

Jax again nods and Nikki sighs, as the van comes to a stop she opens the door and jumps out and takes off in a dead run. Her eyes begin blurring with tears but that doesn't stop her she just keeps running and running.

The four men watch as she runs all of them thinking things could have gone different if she'd just stayed, hell maybe her and Happy would have gotten together a lot sooner. Once they can no longer see Chaos they climb back into the van and head back to Teller-Morrow. All of them silent once again, none of them dare speaking in case someone says something wrong and end up being shot by either Happy or Chibs.

Once they pull up in the lot Gemma walks over to them a scowl on her face.

"I hope you four are fucking happy" she growls

"Ma it was a club decision" Jax sighs

"You have not only banished a girl who was misled but you have just banished her child from ever knowing her father"

"What" Tig asks being the only one to find his voice "Nik was pregnant?"

"Yes you asshole, she found out when she went to the hospital after the Reaper beating. Hence why she must have spilt her guts"

"Shit"

Gemma, Tig, Jax and Chibs look over to where Happy was once stood to see him no longer standing there. They clock his back as he walks over to his bike and climbs on before speeding out of the parking lot like hell's fires are on his heels.

"What do we do now" Gemma asks

"The club voted and pregnant or not she hurt us" Jax sighs

Gemma shakes her head and heads back into the office closing the door behind her before sitting down at her chair behind the desk a few tears leaking from the corner of her eyes for the little girl who right now was on her own. Gemma knew shit was going to hit the fan, shit was going to escalate in a major way and unless Nikki worked a god damn miracle she would end up dead.

And her little baby would be both motherless and fatherless and in Gemma's book that didn't sit well. But what could she do, she was just an old lady who had to follow the rules and do as she was told by her old man.

Tig shouting her name brought her out of her office and over to where the men stood, a woman with them and by the Kutte on her shoulder she was a reaper.

"What do you want" Gemma growls glaring at the newcomer"

"Don't throw me that look bitch you guys hurt my girl"

"Your girl" Jax asks as Gemma comes to stand next to her girl

"Chaos" she states "She asked me to drop something off if shit went bad and considering I just gave her bike and she smiled before leaving saying she couldn't come with me I'd say shit went bad"

"What is it?" Gemma asks but stop as she hears a bike and they all watch as Happy returns. Chibs calls him over and he does, standing silent and glaring at the woman.

"Chaos didn't have proof of what Clay made her do no?" this woman asks

"No" Chibs says

"I do, Chaos has been giving it to me over the years asking me to store it"

They watch as she pulls out a manila folder out of her Kutte and puts it in Chibs' hands.

"In there you will find transcripts of all Clay's calls to Nik, emails, photos and also Transcripts of all Clay's calls to Bumble"

"How did you" Jax asks after looking it all over after taking the folder out of Chibs' hands

"Chaos is like my daughter or my little sister whichever one. Yeah she'd made mistakes but where she is good at killing people she fails at protecting herself. So someone had to do it"

Gemma nods knowing that has always been Nikki's downfall, she was a fierce protector of those around her but failed at protecting herself.

"Now excuse me assholes as I need to go find my girl before she does something god damn stupid"

They all watch with open mouths as she walks over to her Harley and climbs on, Gemma laughs as she sees her name. You see the difference between the reapers and the sons is where on the back of their Kutte's the Sons had sons of anarchy and which town they were from, Reapers had Hell's Reapers and their name. And the name of the girl who had just given them Nikki's salvation

**Disney.**

* * *

**End Note – So this is the end of where do I belong but don't worry the sequel will be posted later today and it's called 'Finding My Way'. Thank you for coming on this journey and I hope you follow me onto it further in the next instalment.**


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